In modern times, one institution that is falling apart like a castle of cards is Marriage. In a country, where marriage is treated as a benchmark of being settled, the increasing dissatisfaction with the concept of marriage is really shocking. While it is perfectly okay to be unmarried, society has still not understood that no one deserves to stay in an unhappy marriage.
Though there are multiple reasons why marriage could be a huge disaster, one that many of us have seen around us is that either partner is a momma’s boy or daddy’s girl.
While loving your parents is a great sign that you are a good son or a good daughter, it becomes a major concern when the attachment with your parents crosses a thin line from being a good son/daughter to being uncomfortable and unhealthy for your partners.
Signs You Are Married To Momma’s Boy Or Daddy’s Girl
While mama’s boy keeps mama on the speed dial, daddy’s girl keeps daddy on the speed dial. Care-giving and assistance for an elderly father or mother are quite understandable, but if there’s constant interference from parents in married life then it is a clear sign of toxicity. The habit of constantly seeking attention or gossiping about every personal matter to the parents is definitely a red flag.
If the mother or father is the first person that your partner calls to tell things, then sadly it is a red flag. It not only leaves you heartbroken but also betrayed. This problematic attachment with the parents always make the partner feel like there is a third person in their marriage.
“My husband chooses his mom over me and never comes to my defence when his mother disapproves.” “My husband’s mother keeps crossing boundaries to pamper his son and my husband doesn’t see any issues!” “I feel I am in a relationship with my mother-in-law and not with my husband” “I am the third person in my own marriage.” “My husband takes all the life decisions with his mother and I just need to agree with them!”
“My wife is so attached to her father that she takes every life decision according to him!”“Doesn’t matter what we decide as a couple, my wife does what her parents tell her to!”“ My wife let her parents control me and our marriage!” “I wish my wife understands how she is breaking our marriage by letting her father take all the major decisions of our life” “My wife doesn’t respect me or my abilities as a husband. According to her, her father is a superstar, but I am useless.”
These are just a few cases that we have heard from people around us struggling in the marriage. It is important for us to raise our kids as strong and independent; and in a way that they care about parents. But, what isn’t okay is that they too dependent on us.
The reason why so many couples are struggling in their marriage is the presence of a third person in the marriage. And, many times the third person in their marriage is no one else but the parents themselves.
As Parents We Can Do Better
Indian parents are so attached to their kids, that they forget how to detach themselves when the kids get married. They fail to understand that after a certain age, parents’ love isn’t in attachment but in detachment. Parents fail to give space to the new couple, who struggle with many adjustments in the new phase of their life.
We, Indian parents, need to learn the art to let go if we want our kids to build stronger and healthier relationships with their partners. It is heartbreaking how many marriages are falling apart just because we refuse to detach ourselves from our kids. Not only it is important to raise kids as strong and independent, but also to make sure that they are let their partners be their true equals. Let’s raise better men and women; not momma’s boy or daddy’s girl! Let our kids find their true soulmates because they deserve all the love and happiness in this world.