Marriage is not easy. And, while marriage is difficult for both husband and wife, it is definitely more difficult for women! The reason being our regressive and patriarchal mindset that still cannot accept a woman as an equal partner to a man!
Though you might be wondering how progressive my mindset is! But, before you hail me as a progressive husband, I have a confession to make! In the past, there have been multiple instances when I succumbed to the pressure of our regressive society and left my wife hurt and alone in the marriage!
It took me almost 3 years of marriage to realize how even after being with my wife, I wasn’t with her. It took me 3 years to realize how I was neither physically nor mentally nor emotionally present in my marriage. It took me 3 years to realize that it wasn’t my wife who was expecting too much, it was me who was failing her and our marriage!
After marriage, I made sure that my parents never feel alone. I made sure that I don’t sacrifice being a son, for being a husband. I made sure that I never neglect my parents, just because I was married now!
But, in the quest of being a good son, I forgot to be a husband. And, whenever there was an option between being a son or a husband, I always chose to be a son. My biggest mistake was to assume that my wife would understand! I assumed that my wife would adjust! I assumed that my wife would get it!
I did not take time understand my wife or explain myself to her. The reason behind me not explaining myself to her was just one – I never saw my father explaining himself to my mother so why do I need to explain myself to my wife. My father was always a son and then a husband, a brother or a father! And, I followed the same path for myself.
My quest to become a good son left my wife broken, lonely and sad. While I was busy excelling as a son, I was failing miserably at being a husband. My constant absence from my marriage and my lack of support for my wife pushed her away from me. While I keep complaining and blaming my wife for not being understanding, it was me who completely blinded myself to her emotional needs.
While I wanted to be my parents’ son more than I wanted to be a husband, I wanted my wife to be a good daughter-in-law more than being a wife! That was the core reason why my marriage was failing.
I forgot that my wife married me, not my parents! It was unfair on my part to keep seeking love and affection from her without giving her any! It wasn’t right to expect my wife to endlessly sacrifice her happiness for me and my family! I wish I could have been a better husband! I wish I could have been a better soulmate!
Dear Men, As I am trying hard to be a good husband now, I want to let you know that you don’t have to be a bad husband for being a good son! You can be a caring son and loving husband at the same time! Believe me, we can do much better!
