“Anu, how could you go to your parents during the festival? You know mummy needs you here. We always celebrate our festival with my parents. How could you even think to plan a trip during the festival?” “Anu, why Rohit hasn’t done his homework yet? You should have made sure he has done his homework. He is just a kid, you need to discipline him!” “Anu, how could you answer back your in-laws. They are so much elder to you. How could you say no to your daughter-in-law’s responsibilities?”
Even after I changed everything about my life to make people around me happy, I am still made to feel guilty for not doing enough. If I have to summarize my married life in a phrase, it would be – Whatever I do, I will always be less. Don’t get me wrong – I really love my family. I love my husband, kids and in-laws.
But, it is heartbreaking how I have made so many adjustments in the last 8 years of marriage without a single thank you in return. My husband and in-laws never acknowledged the thousands of changes I have made in my life. And even if they did, they just said that it was my responsibility or duty!
It was my responsibility to celebrate all the festivals with my husband and in-laws; it was my responsibility to keep missing my parents at every festival just because my in-laws and husband wanted me to be there with them. It was my responsibility to make sure my kid has done his homework every day irrespective of a hectic day at the office. It was my responsibility to keep mum whenever my in-laws said hurtful things or blamed me for everything that was going wrong in their lives.
It is so sad that we expect so much from women. We expect them to give up their whole life, make endless adjustments, be so selfless that they care about us more than themselves! But, rather than celebrating them, applauding them, thanking them, we blame them or shame them for not being good enough.
Why do we hate our women so much? Why don’t we thank them and show some gratitude for all they do for us and our families?
I wish one day, our society would realize the true value of women – how they go an extra mile to make things work; how they strive hard to keep their family together and happy! When my husband and in-laws make me feel guilty about not doing things the way they expect me to, I wonder will they ever realize how I am killing myself to do my best; Will they ever realize that house chores aren’t just my responsibility? Will they ever realize that I also miss my parents at festivals? Will they ever realize that they can’t just expect me to stay silent when they thrash my dignity and shatter my confidence?
Dear Society, we, women are humans too. And, we expect you to treat us like humans.
Just because we are your wives or daughters-in-law, please stop expecting us to make endless compromises and adjustments for you! We do have hearts, aspirations, desires as well! We are born not to serve you or your family, we are born to live our lives! Stop expecting us to give up on our lives to make yours better! Stop expecting us to shatter our lives to build yours! Because we deserve better!