You fall in love, you get married, and then it should be ‘Happily Ever After’ – right? Why shouldn’t it be? Because that’s what our movies and society have been preaching to us since childhood. But wait! There’s an ugly reality that no one wants to talk about – the heartbreaking struggle of many young brides!
From their parents to husband to in-laws, everyone keeps blaming them for not making enough adjustments. But no one cares to understand what she is going through!
While many families fail to understand her struggle and call her “attention-seeker” or “self-centered”, I am sharing my story to let you know what many women go through. Society may want to blind itself to our struggle, but the truth needs to be told. So dear husbands, marriage may be difficult for you, but it is a hell of a lot more difficult for your wife. And if you are wondering, here’s why?
Husband’s World Remains The Same, While Wife’s Whole World Changes
You may call me a bad person but it broke my heart how marriage demanded endless sacrifices for me. I missed my family terribly after the wedding. While I struggle with my life, emotions, and void; my husband settled conveniently in his routine with his family. I despised how people expected me to be completely okay leaving behind my parents to make this marriage work. I hated how people justified uprooting women from their parents in the name of tradition. They would casually say – “Ladkiyon ko to parents ka ghar chodna hi padta hai!”
My husband struggled to understand this ugly reality that while his world remained the same, my whole world had changed. While he had everything in his life, he couldn’t understand my pain as I missed my family terribly. I used to have long spells of crying and felt miserable. I wanted to run away from my life and go back to living with my parents. I was all alone in this struggle.
Now, after 3 years of marriage, I wonder life could have been so much easier if my husband would have understood my mood swings; my abrupt crying, or my emotional trauma. If he could have just understood my pain of leaving behind my whole world for this marriage!
The journey from being an important Family Member to a Forgotten Hero
After marriage, no one cared about my opinions. My husband and his family were so much used to making decisions, that they hardly included me. They would treat me like an outsider, someone who doesn’t understand how their family works! They forgot that even I was part of that family now! So, from being a person who was actively involved in decision making, I became this person who was just there to nod and agree to whatever decisions were made by my husband and his parents.
I wish my husband could know at that time that it was his responsibility to make me part of his family. It was his responsibility that I won’t be taken for granted. It was his duty to make me feel like a part of his family as I left mine for him!
How I Felt Lonely Even With Him
After marriage, suddenly I felt disconnected from my husband. Like many husbands, he chose to prioritize being a son over a husband. Sadly, he assumed that I would understand. Initially, I did. But with time, things got worse. The distance started cropping between us. He was made to spend more time with his parents and siblings. He was taunted for even spending an hour alone with me in the room. I was so heartbroken.
I wish my husband knew that it wasn’t okay to leave me alone to struggle just because his parents may think he wasn’t being a good son! It wasn’t okay to expect me to make endless compromises so that he could be perceived as a good son!
How My Husband Inability To Stand For Me Left Me Heartbroken
But, this wasn’t all. While I was struggling with all these emotions, there were constant taunts and reminders that I wasn’t good enough. While I wanted to take a stand for myself, my husband told me to ignore them. He asked me to suffer the abuse because his parents meant well. He told me to adjust to their taunts because his parents weren’t bad people. Initially, I did. But after some time, I realized respect is a two-way street. You can’t demand it if you don’t give it. I wish someone could have told my husband that it was really unfair of him to act like a dummy husband who couldn’t stand for his wife. I wish someone could have told him how his silence was equally heartbreaking as that of the abuse of my in-laws.
It has been 3 years since my marriage and things are better now. I have set the boundaries to make sure that my mental peace, dignity, and self-respect are not hurt. I have come to the terms with the fact that I may not be living with my parents, but they will always be in my heart. Thankfully, with time, my husband also realized how he was failing as a partner. Though he is working really hard to make up for the lost time, I wish someone could have told him how he could have supported me in the initial days!
Dear Husbands, your wife is your responsibility. Her happiness is your responsibility. While she carries a heavy burden to make the marriage work, the least you could do for her is to give her a home of dignity, love, and respect!