In a society, where women are seen as a liability, it is heartbreaking how our society expects them to suffer in bad marriages. While many parents still believe in the regressive thought-process of ‘Paraya Dhan‘, there are a few who are shattering the social norms. And, our community member is blessed to have one such feminist father.
Our community member shares her father’s best marriage advice that is a must-read for every parent and daughter. Here’s her inspiring post.
I married my husband two years back. After dating him for two years, we decided to tie a knot. Our parents met each other and then my life moved at an accelerated pace to plan my wedding.
My parents were extremely happy and supportive of my choice. But then, like many parents, they were also facing some extreme emotions of being worried about me and my future. Though they tried hard to hide those emotions, just a day before my wedding, my father couldn’t hide them anymore.
As we were enjoying our evening tea, suddenly, his mood switched and his body language changed. It was a clear indication that he was going through a bunch of uncomfortable emotions. But, rather than ignoring it as one of those moments, I confronted him and pestered him to share what is bothering his peace of mind.
He took my hand in his hand and said,
“Beta, what I am going to say next, you may find it a bit weird. I think I would be the only father who would have said these words to his daughter just before her day of marriage. But, before you jump to any conclusions, please try to understand that I want the best for you.”
By this time, I was a bit scared, anxious, and excited about where the conversation was going. Knowing my father, I knew he must have something important to tell me as he is the man of few words. So, if he wants to talk to you that means it is important, very important.
So holding my emotions tightly, I listened to him like his five-year-old daughter, who too excitedly listens to her daddy’s bed-time story.
He further added:
“I am very happy how you dated K for almost a year before agreeing to take this big step. By now, you may have a good idea of how life would be with him after marriage. But, Beta, you need to remember that people do change. And, especially, after marriage. I am not referring to minor changes like looks but bigger changes like being an unsupportive life partner or indulging in emotionally or physically abusive behaviors.”
He quoted a few instances, of his friend’s daughter and my cousin, who weren’t treated well after the marriage.
My cousin’s husband turned into an abusive alcoholic husband, who hurt my cousin for dowry. And my father’s friend’s daughter was emotionally harassed so much by the in-laws that she slipped into depression. And, I could understand his concern as he has dedicated all his life to ensure his kids are happy wherever they are!
He is a man, who stood as a force against a patriarchal society since the time I was born. And what he said next, left me teary-eyed and emotional:
“You are not a burden. You never were. You never will. Don’t let society fool you that after marriage, you are an outsider to your parents. You can always come back if you want. We love you. This house is yours and always will.
Don’t suffer in silence just because of fear of what people will say. I know you will try your level best to make it work but if there comes a time when you feel this marriage isn’t treating you with love and respect, speak up! Be kind to your partner but don’t let this kindness becomig a reason for being treated like a doormat.
Give and seek respect. And, most importantly, be an equal partner. Settle for nothing less. Don’t let anyone walk over you just because you are a wife or a daughter-in-law.
And, remember, you may become wife and daughter-in-law tomorrow, but always remember, you will still remain our daughter.”
Post this conversation, I was speechless. I just cried and hugged my dad tightly. I realized how strong my father has been for so many years. How he has always fought for my dreams like a real hero.
At that moment, it did cross my mind, what if every daughter is blessed to have such a father! What if every girl is told this powerful advice rather than the unsaid assumption to suffer in silence in a bad marriage.
Hence, I took it to the IFORHER platform to share my father’s powerful advice with every parent and daughter. I hope more parents would take inspiration from my father and don’t let the regressive mindset ruin their daughter’s life.