“Mansi, you are my wife. You need to understand that I have certain responsibilities towards my sisters and my parents. You can’t act selfish and expect me to run away from my responsibilities. Like many other wives, you need to be selfless and treat my family as your topmost priority. As my life partner, it is your duty to be there for them irrespective of how they treat you. If it helps, you are not doing it for my parents or my sisters. You are doing it for me! For me, I want you to treat my parents and my sisters with the utmost respect because they are an integral part of my life.”, it was so easy for my husband to dictate his own terms in our marriage and expect me to follow those terms selflessly.
It is quite heart-breaking how many Indian men force their wives to be selfless for their own selfish gains.
Sadly, while being a good wife comes with an ultimate condition to be selfless; being a good husband doesn’t. After marriage, women are expected to make endless compromises to keep everyone happy – from husband to his parents to his siblings. But, for men, the conditions aren’t the same. They are not expected to compromise or adjust as their wives are.
Not all Indian men are selfish. But, sadly majority is.
Majority of Indian men, who are selfish and self-centred, refuse to make even the smallest sacrifice for their wives. And, that’s the reason why so many women are raising their voices about being unhappy in their marriage. While women are expected to be there for everybody, there is hardly anyone for us! While we are expected to support our family selflessly, we have to fight all our battles alone.
Making sacrifices for people you love isn’t a problem. The issue is when you are the only one expected to make sacrifices for the people, who hardly treat you like a human.
But, this isn’t just my story. This is the story of so many women, who are raised to make sacrifices for the family. We, women, are celebrated to be selfless and shamed when we live life on our own terms. Marriage becomes a trap for many of us, as we make endless sacrifices whereas husbands enjoy their lives as usual.
Though we are living in the 21st century, women are still manipulated in the names of relationships. We are told to sacrifice our dreams for our husbands or kids or in-laws. We are told to think about others before we think about ourselves. We are told to think about what society will say before listening to what our hearts have to say!
And, it hurts even more, when you are told to lead a selfless life for the sake of society or others by those, who themselves are the most selfish.
Indian men don’t want to confront their parents so they find it easy to ask their wives to sacrifice and compromise. Isn’t it selfish to ask someone to sacrifice or compromise just for the sake of your own happiness? Isn’t it selfish to expect only one partner to bear the burden of compromise and adjustment? Isn’t it selfish to keep expecting your life partner to sacrifice for your happiness while you hardly care for hers?
But, the time has come when women need to be vocal about their expectations from marriage. They need to be very clear that they would be good wives or good daughters-in-law only if men agree to be good husbands or sons-in-law. The time has come when women refuse to be selfless till men agree to be our equal partners! The time has come when selfish Indian men stop looking for selfless wives to keep themselves and their families happy! Because women of today deserve better men!