It is heartbreaking how more often than not married women, who are full of confidence & happiness, are put through toxic family politics that leaves them bitter, sad, and unhappy about themselves and their lives.
While many become victims of this household politics, there are few who gather the courage to quit it and choose their happiness. One such community member shares her inspiring battle of giving up on family politics and finding herself and her happiness.
Sorry, Toxic People, I Am Not Interested In Family Politics!!!
I never realized how my mother-in-law’s unstoppable taunts, my sister-in-law unapologetic interference, and my husband’s lack of support pushed me into an unending loop of toxicity. The family politics and groupism on the minutest of the family matter made me feel dejected, negative, and hopeless. From cooking to wearing clothes to taking care of my home, I wasn’t good for anything as per my mother-in-law and sister-in-law.
While my husband would be manipulated in the name of family and relations, I would feel helpless for not able to do things that I wanted to.
My sister-in-law and mother-in-law spent a good amount of time in running the minutest detail of family politics by each other.
From stopping my husband and me to meet my parents to getting our outings canceled to make sure we spent less and less time with each other as a couple. At various moments, I was made to feel like an outsider who was full of flaws.
The things that I thought were only part of Hindi TV drama had actually become part of my own life.
Many suggested that I should outsmart my mother-in-law and sister-in-law at home politics to win control over my husband. This sounded so childish and ridiculous that it made me wonder if I was even made for marriage.
Because if that’s what I need to do to maintain sanity and a happy life, then I should rather be single.
Being a part of family politics is a waste of time and energy. It drains you out and fills you with so much negativity that you turn into the same toxic monsters that you were fighting against with. I never wanted to be like my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, whose life was limited to the fact of how they can ruin my happiness?
So, I decided not to be involved in family politics. I decided to not let these toxic people have control over my life, heart, or mind.
When my mother-in-law and sister-in-law schemed up together to make my husband stay back and cancel a vacation trip that we were taking with my parents, I took a high road. I refused to feel toxic or sad or blame my husband. Rather, I told my husband it’s fine he can stay back. And, I will take my parents to Kerala on my own.
While I was happy that I could spend some time with them alone, some people in the house weren’t.
The fact that their scheme couldn’t disturb my peace, left them sad and disappointed. It was at that moment, I realized that you can easily win at home politics with inner peace if you quit it in the first place.
I stopped complaining to my husband that his mother is too demanding or how we don’t get time to spend together.
While he was getting manipulated to spend time with his mother, I indulged in my own life and hobbies. Rather than feeling lonely in my marriage, I started working on myself. I started reading books, watching Netflix, and indulging in a self-care regime. I stopped being angry at him for not being able to understand how his mother was manipulating him.
Rather I started spending time with myself and stopped feeling lonely.
With time, the politics at the home of who owns my husband time – me or his mother was becoming irrelevant. The politics that had long destroyed my mental peace & happiness, was nothing less than a painful disease.
My changed attitude definitely shook my husband. With no more calls for his attention or admiration, he was shocked to find his once, unhappy wife, so happy with herself.
It is heartbreaking how family politics revolve around how one can control one’s son after his marriage. And sadly, many wives are sucked into this politics for the love of their marriage.
This family politics make them feel insecure or incomplete without their husband. They make their husband their center of life and forget about themselves, which brings a lot of disappointment and sadness.
I refused to put anyone at the center of my life, except myself. The day I started prioritizing myself, my happiness, and my life, I realize the family politics never bothered me! The taunts, the comparisons, the unsolicited advice nothing could disturb me!
It felt like I set myself free – free of insecurities, free of comparisons, free of toxicity! I am in love with myself how I have broken the toxic pattern of family politics and chose to live life more fully and happy!