Throughout my four years of marriage, I thought I was doing so much better than many Indian men, who treat their wives nothing more than a maid or a cook. I thought I was doing much more than any wife could ever expect of a husband; I was striving hard to give my best to my wife, but still, my wife wasn’t happy. She kept complaining about how I wasn’t a good enough husband.
Every time she complained, I felt it doesn’t matter how much ever I do she will always feel it less.
No matter how much time I give it to her, she will always complain that I am not spending enough time with her! No matter how much love I shower on her, she will always complain about how I don’t take enough care of her! No matter how much ever I support her, she will always complain about how I am not being a supportive husband!
With time, I felt that my wife would never understand that I am not just her husband. I am a son and a brother too. She can’t keep complaining about how I ignore her in front of my family or don’t take a stand for her against my own family.
But recently, when we went to attend my wife’s brother marriage, my wife gave the taste of my own medicine. During that trip, I realized how I couldn’t tolerate the things for a day that I was doing to my wife for years.
When my wife ignored me for her family, I realized how lonely my wife would have felt all those years when I ignored her for being a good son and brother; How much she would have felt embarrassed when I refused to take a stand for her as my parents complained about her in front of our relatives; How she would have felt angry when I told her not to react against my parents even if they say wrong things about her and her family!
While I was extremely angry at her for ignoring me for her family; I was heartbroken how his father kept pinpointing how I wasn’t good at financial planning; I was so mad when his family kept comparing me with my wife’s brother; I was so disappointed when some of her distant relatives said things about my parents that I didn’t like.
Every moment in those 4 days, I felt as if I wanted to pack my bags and just put an end to this horrific nightmare. But then I realized, what I couldn’t bear for a day, my wife was tolerating for years.
How I not only ignored her but also just let people compare her and pinpoint her flaws! How I asked her to respect the same people, who never respected her! How I asked her to love the very same people, who weren’t ready to love her! How I asked her to be unconditionally for others, who were never there for her!
In those days, I was woken up to the ugly reality of our marriage. It doesn’t matter how much I was doing for her; there was so much more that I needed to do! I needed to support her, love her and be there for her just the way she has been for me for years. I wish I could tell other men that our wives deserve better! I wish I could tell them that marriage is not for parents but rather for husband and wife. And, if we can’t fight the world for each other, then the marriage is a sham! While I am trying hard to be a better husband, I hope you would too! Because our wives deserve better husbands!
