For as long as I can remember, my parents’ life revolved around preparing me for marriage. While I was working hard to become an engineer, my parents were working hard to turn me into a sanskaari woman for whom there won’t be any dearth of good rishtas. My parents, especially my mother, tried really hard to keep reminding me,
“Padai toh theek hai, but you should learn how to do household chores!”
“Don’t be so outspoken. People don’t like girls who are outspoken.”
“Rather than joining coding classes, why don’t you join cooking classes!”
While I was encouraged to cook and clean, my brother was encouraged to focus on his career. Because it was assumed that he won’t need these life skills as his wife would become in-charge of unpaid homework.
Indian Marriage: The Trap that Benefits Men while Women Struggle
I don’t have any issue with getting married except for one thing. What irks me how our patriarchal society turned this beautiful institution into a trap to benefit men while women struggle. The inequality in our marriages is so prevalent and accepted that when any woman demands equality she is labeled as unsanskaari or devoid of values.
From our kitchens to our bedrooms, this inequality is not only accepted but celebrated in name of our great Indian value system. It is heart-breaking how so many Indian women are struggling with this prevalent inequality in marriages, but still, they chose not to raise their voices. Sadly the ones who do, are called badatameez.
Women more than Men Adjust their Careers for Family life
While the men spend time focusing on career and turning their dreams into reality, many women struggle with the burden of unpaid household chores. Not just that, even when it comes to parenting, most Indian men feel that parenting is a women’s job. That’s the reason why so many women tend to make much more compromises for the sake of the family and kids. And, rather than being sad about how one gender is forced to bear the burden of compromises, as a society, we tend to celebrate these sacrifices!
Indian Society’s Raja Beta Syndrome to be Blamed
The inequality in our marriage is a result of a much bigger problem. It stems from society’s obsession with their sons. While Indian daughters are raised as burdens, Indian sons are raised as Raja Betas, who are offered all the life comforts. It is heartbreaking how these Raja Betas are raised with the belief that women are there to serve them and our daughters are raised to believe that they exist to serve others.
While there are some parents who tend to raise their sons and daughters equally, still this percentage is too low to bring a society-wide change.
As more women are shattering the social norms, they are looking for partners who treat them equally; who understand their dreams; who don’t want to control them; who don’t expect them to make endless compromises in name of love and values; who don’t want to cut their wings and curb their freedom.
Though these men do exist, they are very rare. So, while some of us would succumb to the pressure of society and fall into the trap of regressive marriage, there are few of us, who would still wait for these men, who can love us, who can respect us, and most importantly, who can treat us as equals.
I have chosen to wait for such men, to not fall into the trap of the regressive and patriarchal concept of marriage. Because in the end, no one dies of marrying late but so many die of marrying wrong!
P.S. I am turning 30 this May and my parents regard themselves as a failure. Because even though their daughter is working in one of the leading tech companies, she is still not married! Who cares she has freedom, happiness, and peace; Only thing they care about is – She doesn’t have a man!
