Recently, I completed my 3 years of marriage. And these 3 years have been a roller coaster of my life. With the massive adjustment in the office and home, I hardly realized why people are so excited about getting married.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not judging all the marriages. So, in case you have a loving and supportive husband and in-laws, you might not be able to relate to this post. But, if that’s not your reality that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
After being an independent woman for 5 years, I got married at age of 28. And in the 3 years, I realized how marriage demands so much adjustment and sacrifices, especially from women.
It made me wonder then why our society, especially our parents and relatives, overhype the concept of marriage and raise our expectations from it. Why our society treats marriage as a certificate to label us as settled and happy? Even though in reality, we may be struggling hard to be happy in midst of those endless sacrifices, adjustments, and constant taunts.
The biggest lie that my parents and society told me about marriage was –
“As long as my husband and I made each other happy, our marriage will thrive!”
Keeping that in mind, in my first year of marriage, I tried to have rational discussions with my husband about how his certain actions don’t include my happiness or our happiness as a couple! But with time, I realized that my marriage was never about my husband’s happiness or mine.
It took me 3 years to understand that I was never married to my husband. I was married to my in-laws.
My marriage was always about how much my in-laws were happy with me, their daughter-in-law? How much as a couple we were ready to sacrifice for them? How much my husband and I were ready to give up to please them and their relatives? How much I was ready to ignore their taunts and unsolicited advice on the matters that hardly concerned them?
The mantra of successful marriage given by my parents was utter non-sense.
In my 3 years of marriage, I realized how the peace in my marriage was more about my in-laws’ happiness and less about my husband’s happiness or mine. Even my husband didn’t care much about his happiness; He was okay with me as long as his parents’ happiness was taken care of. He was ready to sacrifice his happiness for his parents and he expected the same from me.
But it’s not just my story. It is the story of many young women, who struggle to find love and happiness in their marriage. The abuse, taunts, and neglect is the ugly reality of many Indian married women, who lost themselves in their marriage.
To all those women struggling to find happiness in their married life:
I know exactly how you feel. While you are struggling for the love and care you always hoped for, you feel disappointed. You feel heartbroken because even though you are always there for others, there’s no one for you when you need them. I hope you would soon find the courage and strength to create your own happiness rather than seeking it from others!