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Home > Relationships > Marriage & Love

It’s Useless To Be Educated If You Let Yourself Be Bullied In Marriage By Shameless People

by Guest Contributor
October 27, 2021

“Riya, you are educated and independent. Then, why do you agree to become the victim of this constant bullying by your husband and in-laws? Why are you not taking a stand against them? Why are you not standing for yourself and your dignity!” said my friend, who just got to know how my in-laws shame me and create a world-class drama if I get late from the office. Every time, they start the same discussion on why I should quit my job just because my husband earns enough! And, how my work is stopping me from not being able to take care of my husband and in-laws!

But, rather than taking a stand for myself and my independence, what do I do? I hear all their pointed words quietly so that the peace is maintained in the house. I curse myself that if I could have left the office 5 minutes earlier, I could have saved myself from all the negativity. Rather than telling my in-laws to mind their own business or hire a cook, I would indulge in self-blaming. I would make sure that I don’t get late next time.

“Megha, you won’t understand. You are blessed to have a supportive husband and loving in-laws. You will never understand what women like me go through.”, I shamelessly justified my behaviour of not standing for myself. But, in my heart, I knew I was wrong.

Don't-Marry-Our-Daughters-If-You-Can't-Value-Them
Screengrab: Thappad

Throughout my childhood, I have seen my mother suffering abuse in silence.

She wasn’t well-educated nor she was financially independent. And, I used to tell myself that I would never suffer like her; that I will answer back! But, hardly I knew that after 27 years, I would turn into my mother. I would become as good as my mother when it comes to suffering the abuse in silence; Like her, I would also choose to be silent to maintain ‘Ghar ki shanti’ (peace at home).

That day after talking to my friend, it dawned upon me that I had turned into my mother, I couldn’t sleep. I just kept tossing over the bed to realize that I had become that one thing that I hated most in my childhood. I could understand why mom suffered for so long. She was neither financial independent nor confident nor well-educated. But I was. Then why I am letting people bully me in this marriage! And, then it struck me – What’s the point of my education and career when I let myself be bullied by shameless people!

From that day, I made it a point to stand for myself; I let people understand that I wasn’t born to serve them; I was born to fulfil my dreams and aspirations! Initially, my husband and his parents were quite shocked. But with time, they have realized that I won’t let them bully me anymore. They have realized that their control over me is over.

I wish I could have stood for myself earlier; I wish someone could have told me earlier not to suffer the abuse for the sake of family happiness; I wish someone could have told me earlier to start standing up to my bullies. As I am creating a better life for myself, I just have one message for women like me: It’s useless to be educated if you let yourself be bullied in your marriage by shameless people.

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