It is heartbreaking how our patriarchal society restricts women from leading a life on her own terms. From making small life choices to big life decisions like career options, our society expects women to follow certain set rules. Those who refuse to follow the norms and create life as per their dreams, hardly find acceptance from our regressive society.
Recently, a journalist shared how she struggled to find a life partner just because our society couldn’t accept her profession. She met almost 14 men before meeting her now-husband, who respected her profession and became an equal partner in marriage.
While sharing her struggle to find a partner, who treat her equal and respect her choices, this journalist mentioned:
“I remember when I was 23, my mom told me that some ‘guests’ were coming to visit. When I found out it was a potential groom and his family, I snuck out to my aunt’s house and told my parents that I’d only start meeting guys after I settled in my career. They agreed; over the next 2 years, I completed my Masters in Journalism and started working.
Little did I know that a career choice would land me in such a puddle in the world of groom-hunting! Everyone warned me that it would be difficult for me to find a groom because of my job. A neighbour blatantly told me that I’m in a ‘wrong kind of job for girls’ and should be in a secure one with shorter working hours. My relatives told me that men would get too intimidated by my career.
One of my seniors even said, ‘It’s always difficult for journalists and lawyers to find husbands because they are ‘too smart’ and difficult to ‘domesticate.’ But their opinions didn’t matter– I wasn’t going to settle. I knew I wanted someone who respects my career choice and is proud of it, rather than insecure about it.
I met 14 guys– but I turned them all down for different reasons. One guy told me that ‘he was okay with me working’, provided I also manage the house. I was so put off; I’d love to be there for my family and help my husband look after the home but I certainly didn’t need his approval to work.
Another guy’s mom said, ‘Your daughter talks more than my son.’ I walked out of that one– I knew red flags when I saw them. It basically felt as if most of the guys were afraid that I’d overshadow them and not look after their parents– they wanted me to be that perpetually smiling but silent ‘doll’ that they could carry to social gatherings.
I wasn’t under any pressure to just marry and get it over with; I waited to find the right guy. Eventually, I did end up meeting an intelligent guy who I decided to marry! I knew he was the one right from the start– from cooking for us when I was busy, to taking care of our son if I was at work, to seeking my advice on financial decisions; he does it all.
I remember once, I was out at a Women’s Day event with my colleagues, and at 8 PM all the women started panicking and rushing home, saying they had to put their kids to sleep or cook dinner. But I was so calm– I went home to find my son tucked into bed; that’s how partners support each other.
I didn’t marry my husband so he could fill a void or because I was missing something– I married him because he felt like my equal, someone I could grow with. I found the right guy without letting my career take a backseat, and isn’t that how it should be?”
It is heartbreaking how even 21st-century women are struggling to be accepted as an equal partner in marriage. At IFORHER, we are in awe of every inspiring couple who is fighting hard to shatter the social norms and rewrite the new rules of marriage.