“Women can do anything a man can. Women are better leaders than men.” – says my husband to his friend who was arguing with him about how men are better than women doing some jobs!
After listening to the argument, his friend’s wife nudged me and said –
“You are so lucky to be with a man who treats you like an equal.”
And, I just smiled realizing does he really treat me like an equal?
Yes, when it comes to sharing our financial responsibilities, we are equal. We are equal when it comes to driving a car or taking kids to school or doing grocery shopping but when it comes to our parents – are we? Are we equal?
A year and a half back, my father, who is 75, was diagnosed with Parkinson’s – a brain disease that affects a lot of body functions. My mother, who herself is 73, tried her level best to manage papa’s medical condition all alone.
Anyone who knows about Parkinson’s or has seen a close one struggling with it would know how difficult it is to see your loved one struggling with this difficult disease. Though my mother never asked for any help, when I met her I was heartbroken.
How this brave woman was diligently taking care of her soulmate while hiding her stress, her tension, her pain behind her wrinkled face so elegantly.
I made up my mind that day, that she is not going to do it alone. It is never easy to see the person you love the most, struggling so hard with his life. I knew my mother was trying really hard to hold it together. She will not bear this burden all alone.
So when I returned back, I shared my desire to bring my parents home with my husband.
Sadly, the man whom I knew for the past 7 years as a champion of women’s equality, felt it wasn’t a great idea.
“Sneha, what mummy papa would think? They won’t be comfortable with your parents staying with us. And, why you have to take care of them?”
Shocked and heartbroken, how my husband, who never shies away from calling himself a champion of feminism, couldn’t understand my pain and my desire to support my parents.
“Even your parents stay with us. And, I have treated them no less than my own. Whenever they needed me, I stood like a rock with them. But now when my parents need us, you are shying away from taking the responsibility. Why, Raghav?”
A bit irritated, he said –
“Lets talk about it later. We should get ready now as our friends must be waiting for us.”
So, when my friend’s wife told me – I was lucky to have a husband like Raghav, who believes in equality, I wasn’t thrilled.
But, I made sure that I don’t let it go because it was not only important for my parents but also myself. So when I opened the topic again, my husband said:
“But you are a daughter. You don’t need to shoulder so much responsibility.”
“Raghav, how does it matter? I am their child….their only child!”
“Sneha, our society doesn’t accept the daughter’s parents living with her. It’s the son’s responsibility. It’s their bad luck if they don’t have one.”
“Seriously, Raghav. How could you even say that! You have a daughter as well. Won’t you expect the same from her when we grow old?”
“No Sneha. Parents don’t live with their married daughters?”
“Why not? If a bahu can accept her in-laws staying with her then why can’t the Son-in-law? Since when you started caring about society? You are the one who preaches that women and men are equal. Then why can’t we shoulder the responsibilities of our parents like a team! Do you want your daughter to feel helpless as I am feeling now?”
Realizing his mistake, my husband hugged me and said:
“Let’s look for a bigger apartment, so that our family of 7 could stay together!”
It’s been a year now, we all moved in together in our new house.
It’s high time we set new traditions that don’t differentiate based on gender. Traditions that don’t stop a child from taking care of her ailing and aging parents.
After reading so many powerful inspiring stories on IFORHER, I gathered the courage to share mine with the hope that it inspires others to give up on regressive social norms and set new progressive ones!
