Why you always have to argue? Why you don’t have respect for my old parents?
Why you treat my parents in a bad manner? Will you ever treat your parents in the same way?
These are some of the questions that my husband blurted out when we were having a fight over how I can’t follow his mother’s unnecessary instructions in the kitchen. All this after I was too tired from a hectic day at work.
Like many Indian men, my husband is very loving and caring but when it comes to his parents, he is very possessive. It is heartbreaking how every time our arguments stem out of one point:
How am I failing to be a good daughter-in-law? How I am not treating his parents well? Why don’t I respect or love them as he does? or Why don’t I don’t them as I would treat my parents?
Sadly, neither I am respected nor loved by them in the same way as he is. But, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
What hurts me the most is the fact that he asks what I did for his parents more than what I did for him as a wife!
But, this isn’t just my story. It is heartbreaking to see how many of my friends and relatives struggling with a similar issue.
It is high time that Indian men start understanding that marriage isn’t for parents but for husbands and wives.
Before you jump to any conclusion, I want to share that I have no issue in taking care of his parents but I do have concerns when it starts becoming the sole purpose of our marriage.
I have concerns because he stopped asking what we can do for each other; But kept asking what I can do for his mom and dad.
It is heartbreaking how more often than not, we fight about how I haven’t accepted his parents as my own. But, before he asks me if I have accepted his parents, he needs to ask himself – Has he accepted me?
Isn’t marriage between wife and husband first? I wonder why Indian men fail to understand that women don’t leave their families for their husbands’ parents. They leave everything to start a new life with their husbands. Though husbands keep asking wives to change their ways for their parents or relatives, it amuses me how they never ask themselves – Why did they marry in the first place? Or, Why did their wives marry them?
It breaks my heart to see how often women strive hard to make ‘being a wife’ their priority but husbands fail to do so. They still feel they are sons first and husbands later.
Stop judging your wives from the context of others. Don’t fight with her for the sake of others. You need to understand that before asking her to make any bond with your family, you need to make your bond with her first.
Because if that doesn’t happen no other bond will come through! No one could stop you from being an unhappy couple if you see your wife just as a daughter-in-law or she sees you only as a son! Marriage is nothing but a partnership between husband and wife. The rest all are just the extension of this bond.
If you can’t love each other or respect each other or accept each other, then marriage won’t go very far.
Hope, our society would stop preaching the regressive thought process that marriage is for parents. Because this regressive thought is the reason why so many couples find themselves in a loveless marriage. So, before asking our partners to be better daughter-in-law or son-in-law, let’s ask ourselves how could we be better husbands or wives?