Even in the 21st century, Indian in-laws are struggling to understand the concept of privacy! We wonder will Indian-in-laws ever understand the concept of boundaries and stop interfering in their kids’ life?
“Bahu Rani, you are 29 now! When are you guys going to make a family? Enough of using career as an excuse, it is high time Bahu, you give us a little baby boy?”
My mother-in-law announced it in front of the friends & family, who came to wish me on my 29th birthday, she didn’t have any reservation about how she was turning my personal matter into a family panel discussion.
As she looked at my mother, she continued:
“Behenji, why don’t you tell her that how difficult it is for mother to have kids after 30. The kids of their age have two kids by now. And, these two haven’t even started.”
My mother trying to read my facial gesture realized how pissed I was. But still, she kept agreeing to my mother-in-law, she kept nodding. My mother-in-law, without showing any sign of stopping this conversation further said,
“Bahu, if it gets too late, then you guys will face a lot of problems! And, you will become old and will find it difficult to cope up with the young energy? So, it is very important you leave your career and focus on starting the family.”
It is heartbreaking how our parents doubt their children’s intelligence and make it an excuse to meddle with our lives. Even though my husband is running a successful start-up and I am a senior marketing manager in an MNC, my mother-in-law doesn’t believe that we are smart enough to make a decision when to start our family.
While we take critical decisions every day at our office, my mother-in-law feels we are too dumb to make this decision on our own.
Sadly, while she turned my personal matter into a public affair, our decision to start a family, hardly has any implication on her life. While for us, it would be a life-changing moment, but for my in-laws who live miles away from us, this decision hardly brings any change to their lives.
But, this isn’t just the only time when in-laws have interfered in a personal matter that had no implications for them.
Based on our combined income, my husband and I have developed a certain spending pattern that suits us and our professional and personal aspirations. Though we are both financially independent, still my mother-in-law doesn’t shy away from interfering in the personal matter and taunting me on how much I spend on my clothes or house.
She makes it a point that her friends and neighbor know how I indulge in unnecessary and exorbitant spending. Without appreciating the fact that her bahu has a well-paying job to justify her designer purchases.
But, I am not the only one!!
There are many couples, who are struggling with their relationship just because our elders forget to understand the concept of boundaries and privacy.
I don’t want to blame only the husband’s side of parents but that’s what happens more in our regressive society. In India, where the girl’s parents easily let go of their daughter as they treat her like a Paraya Dhan! Contrarily, boys’ parents treat their sons as budape ki lathi!
Stop poking your nose in your kid’s lives.
It’s your disrespect for boundaries that many young couples are struggling with their marriage. Every couple needs to make their own journey with their own unique experiences with their partner, it is cruel to interfere in their lives ad meddle with their journey.
Please stop labeling your interference as Love. Because sometimes, love is not in the attachment; rather in detachment.
So dear in-laws, stop interfering in your kids’ lives and let them find their own happiness. You have raised your kids well. Just trust your parenting. Don’t worry your kids will make responsible decisions. Let your kids create their life as per their desires because it’s their right! Not yours!