Rohit and I were best friends from school. We have been together for almost 22 years. So, it wasn’t a surprise to many when we started dating each other. After being together with each other for such a long time, it always felt that we were made for each other. With hardly any compatibility issues, we were just so comfortable with each other.
It was obvious that we were ready for the next step i.e. to commit to each other for the rest of our lives.
Though he was the perfect man that I can ask for, I was still feeling anxious about getting married. Sadly, the marriage forces lovers to become husband and wife, who have to bear the burden of patriarchal norms for the rest of their lives. More often than not, in dealing with these norms the couple tends to forget about the love they had once.
As the wedding date came closer, the closer I get to realize that saying yes to marriage was a wrong decision.
I could easily imagine how our marriage will turn us into those couples that keep fighting for being treated equally and fairly in marriage. Knowing myself, I knew I wouldn’t take any sh*t about how I am not a sanskaari bahu and how I have to sacrifice my dreams for my husband and my marriage.
After hearing stories of so many friends, who were forced to give up on their dreams after marriage, I was very scared. I was losing it basically. Because, when you are an independent woman, who loves her career, her ambition, and more importantly, her space, you tend to have these concerns of if your marriage will turn out as biggest life mistake.
Will marriage rip me off of my dreams, career, and space? Will it give me the happiness that I deserve? Will it give me respect? What if it won’t be good as I expected?
“Marriage isn’t the same as love. It is a different ball game altogether. The kind of commitment is way more different and difficult in marriage. Marriage won’t leave you equal in the relationship. It makes women to accept to be treated less than her husband. Marriage is a constant battle for women – for dreams, for career, and for respect!”
All these judgments from friends were freaking me out. I was spending sleepless nights wondering what if I also meet the same fate as that of my mother or my sister, who gave up their dreams for marriage.
Just before the wedding night, I called up Rohit. I couldn’t take it anymore. I told him how I really love him but I feel marriage isn’t for me! I shared how I am not as selfless as marriage expects me to. I wouldn’t be able to sacrifice my dreams or my career or my dignity for marriage or for anyone else.
As I shared my thoughts, Rohit was just listening to me calmly. And, then what he said next left me surprised and embarrassed at the same time.
And, this is the moment that laid the foundation of our successful marriage. Rohit said:
“Baby, I know you for 20 years. I‘ve spent 6 years dating you. And, the reason why I proposed to you because I know I can make my all life about you. My father once told me –
“Rohit, remember, marriage isn’t for you. It’s for the woman, whose hand you decide to hold forever. It’s for the woman, who leaves behind many things to become your wife.” So, the day I asked you to marry me, I had no doubt about the fact that you are the perfect life partner that I can ask for. You are my better half who makes me a better human being; You make sure that I don’t give up on my dreams; You make sure that I remain focus on my goals and you make sure that never treat anyone unfairly.
Rishu, for me, marriage is about you. For me, marriage is about making a better world with you, for you.”
That moment changed everything for me. I could see a loving and caring life partner in him. The man, who may not let society dim the light of our marriage. The man, who may inspire me to be a better person. And, more importantly, the man, who will have patience enough to help me sail through my dilemma and doubts.
It’s been 3 years since we got married. He has kept every promise till date. As a loving husband, while Rohit gave me respect, love, and care, I have left no stone unturned in giving him the same. We treat each other as equals and there are no gender roles that we entertain in our marriage.
Both Rohit and I could stand against any life challenge to guard each other; to protect each other.
I want to thank my husband for showing me how a successful marriage is built on mutual sacrifices. So, after 3 years of marriage, I can proudly say that my marriage is about him; the way for him, it is about me!