Unlike some Indian parents, my husband and I always believed that our daughter is our pride. We worked really hard to raise a strong and independent woman in our regressive patriarchal society. It has been quite a difficult task. We stood firm against not only the society but also our loved ones, our friends and family, who tried to label our daughter as a burden or promoted the idea that our daughter didn’t deserve certain opportunities just because they were girls!
Now as our little girls have turned into proud women, here is a warning letter to all those men, who would like to be married to our strong and independent daughter.
Before you read any further, here is a small disclaimer: We don’t hold anything against men. We just want our daughter to be happy. So, this letter isn’t to show off how well we raise our daughter, it’s just a letter of caution for those men, who want to marry strong and independent women but don’t know how to live with them.
If you want to marry my strong and independent daughter, here are some reasons why you shouldn’t even think about it. Because, if you are intimidated by any of these reasons, then, believe me, you can neither make our daughter happy nor you can stay happy!
#1: Equality is what she believes in
If you are looking for someone who should treat you like “Pati Parmeshwar”(Husband is no less than God), then, believe me, it’s better you stay away from my daughter for your own good. If you think cooking is a woman’s job, raising kids is a woman’s job, doing laundry is a woman’s job, or taking care of finances is a man’s job, then believe me you can’t even live with my daughter for a day. Because these skills are basic living skills that should be known to both men and women. Because, before anything else, my daughter believes in equality – be it in the office or at home!
#2: Speaks her mind
If you are looking for a “Sanskaari Bahu” who believes in suffering silence and remain silent when they are forced to follow regressive norms, then believe me my daughter is not cut for you! My daughter speaks up their mind and they don’t shy away from making conversation that may shatter the delicate egos of our patriarchal society.
#3: Fight for her dreams
If you are looking for someone who dedicates her whole life to her husband, in-laws, and kids, then again, my daughter is not meant for you. My daughter will make sacrifices and adjustments but they are not okay with only making endless compromises and adjustments. They fight for their dreams and they are not going to give them up. So, if you believe in the glorification of women’s sacrifice to be a good wife and a good mother, then please stay away from my daughter for your own good!
#4: She gives respect only when she gets it
She has been raised with a very clear understanding that people who don’t give respect to her, don’t deserve respect from her either. So, if you believe that she will keep giving you or your family or your friends respect while you treat her like an educated maid or doormat or punching bag, then you definitely not cut for my daughter
#5: Will not bring a dowry
Sorry to disappoint you but my daughter won’t get any dowry – No Cash, No Car, No Flat, Not even expensive gifts! Because, being a strong and independent woman, she is never going to bow down the regressive norm of dowry that demeans women and equate her to a burden.
#6: She can’t be controlled
And, unfortunately, if you wanted to be a woman who stays under your control; or whom your family can control, then sorry my daughter doesn’t come with remote control. She can’t be controlled and a man who wants to control a woman is definitely not worthy of her!
#7: She is a fighter, not a victim
My daughter can never be a damsel in distress waiting for a knight in shining armor. She is someone who can fight and stand for herself. So, if you think she will ask you to save her or will wait for you to rescue her, then you should continue your search. My daughter will never succumb to your abuse hoping that one day you will change. She will become her own hero, rather than waiting for you to become one!
If the above letter has left you intimidated, I can understand. It could leave a lot of men intimidated and scared, who have been raised in a patriarchal society. But, if the list left you more excited to be with a woman who can be her own hero, then we are so happy. It means that some men do exist who know how to build a life with strong and independent women! And, hope many raise men like you!