I left my whole world – my loving parents, my childhood home, and friends – just to be with you. But it breaks my heart that for the person for whom I made all the heartbreaking changes, still doesn’t treat me like his own.
Yesterday during an argument you said that I am trying to break your family. At that moment, I wanted to yell back and tell you that –
“I’m not here to break your family, I am your family”
How at that moment, you made it clear that you still don’t consider me as your family. That moment broke my soul. Because even after 4 years of marriage, you don’t consider me as your own – isn’t it a failure of our marriage.
It breaks my heart how you always expected me to adjust to your home or your family, but you forgot that I was an equal partner in our marriage. It is really distressing how you expected me to change everything about myself as per the rules dictated by you or your parents. But, what about my desires?
Every time when I try to do things on my own terms, you put me down and told me that I need to abide by your family rules. Dear Husband, am I not your family?
The way you wanted me to adjust, I also wanted you to adjust as well. The way you wanted to accept your family as my family, I also wanted them to accept me. The way you wanted me to respect them, I wanted them to respect me too!
Even after being married for four years, delivering a beautiful child, and gifting a precious family to you, I am still trying to fight the right place in our unequal institution of marriage. You still consider me like an outsider, who has come into your life to wreck your family.
Dear Husband, I don’t know how much time would you and your parents take to understand that I don’t come into your lives to break your family. I rather left my family to be part of yours.
Please stop labeling me as a person, who has entered into your life with one single agenda i.e. to separate you from your parents.
Because this fear generated inside you by constant perceiving of me as an ’other’ of his family will ruin our marriage. It is heartbreaking how you still perceive me as an ‘other’, an ‘enemy within’, a ‘nuisance’, ‘silent’ harm.
Believe me, the day you would start considering me as your own, you would realize that I never wanted anything but well for you and your parents.
All my thoughts and suggestions, that were labelled as rebellious or not-so sanskaari, were not rooted in the evil desire of proving anyone wrong. But rather these suggestions were made to make a better future for ourselves and your parents.
I wanted to stand for myself and my dignity but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to respect your parents. I just want to create my own space that doesn’t mean I want to snatch away theirs.
I know you have boundless memories with your parents, that I respect. But, that doesn’t mean you remain attached to those memories so much that you make no effort to create new memories with me. You have responsibilities towards your parents that I do respect. But, what about your responsibilities towards me. Are you just a son? Aren’t you a husband and a father as well?
I know your parents have some dreams and aspirations, but that doesn’t mean to fulfill their dreams and aspirations, you would crush mine. Because I am as much as your family as they are.
Hope soon you would realize how unfairly you have been treating me, and realize the sacrifices that I made to be with you. Would pray you will realize that I am your FAMILY before it is too late for us.