I understand why you are so divided between being a good son and being a good husband. Almost 30 years back, I was just in the same place as your and fighting hard to be a good son and a good husband!
Though I tried my level best to be good at both, I landed up prioritizing being a good son! Now, when I saw what my daughter is going through in her marriage, I realized how brutally I failed my wife!
While my daughter’s struggle and emotional trauma made me feel like a helpless father, it also made me realize how I was a failed husband!
I wish I could have the power to go back in time and change things for my wife. I wish I could have gathered the courage to stand for my wife when I knew in my heart what my family made her go through was unfair and abusive. I wish I could have tried not only to be a better son but also be a better husband! I wish I could not have let society and family members emotionally blackmail me to be a silent spectator when my wife was tortured and abused.
After spending 30 years with my wife, I realized how she is the kindest, loveliest and amazing human being. She never deserved what she went through. While she left everything for me, I just couldn’t stop people from smashing her dignity for sake of their shallow egos.
I just wish no man makes the same mistake as I did! I wish you don’t need to bear the burden of similar regrets as I have to.
Taking A Stand For Wife? Am I Betraying My Family?
Believe me, I exactly know how you feel divided between the two parties. It is heart-breaking how many men tend to feel that they are betraying their family if they take a stand for their wives. After all, their parents sacrificed so much to make them who they are today. Additionally, your parents have been there for you for almost 3 decades, while she has just come into your life. Shouldn’t your loyalty and love be with your parents?
But in your heart, you know what your wife is going through is not only unfair but also inhumane. Sadly, in the attempt to be a good son, you stop being a good human!
We Become Silent Spectators To Abuse As We Don’t Want To Hurt Anyone
We are so scared to choose between being a husband and son, that we fail miserably at both. We become so fearful of being judged for taking sides that we become a silent spectator of whatever happens under the roof of our house. We just couldn’t gather enough courage to stand up for humanity and for what is right!
No One Prepares Men For Marriage
But, it isn’t completely our fault that we fail as husbands. While our society prepares women for marriage since their childhood, it never prepares its boys to be better husbands. It puts the complete burden of sacrifices, compromises, and adjustments on women and hence, making us feel that it is okay to ask our wives to make endless adjustments with our family. While she keeps making adjustments, our family makes none! While she accepts our family, our family hardly accepts her! Being clueless about what to do, we stand silently letting everything wrong happening in front of our eyes!
A good husband or a good son?
Dear Son-in-law, before being a good husband or a good son, please be a good human. Don’t be a mere spectator when you witness abuse. Don’t let society bully you into believing that for being a good son, you need to be a bad husband! It is heart-breaking how our society shames men who are supportive husbands with derogatory labels like ‘joru ka ghulam‘! Don’t let these labels stop you from being a man who stands for his wife and his dignity!
Even though I am trying hard to make up for my behavior in the early years of marriage, I know I have to bear the burden of regrets for the rest of my life. I hope you will do better and won’t take 30 years to realize how your wife is an equal partner in your journey who deserves respect and dignity!