Yes, I have become a bitter, angry, hopeless, empty, emotional and reactive person. While the whole world is blaming me for being a mess, the real reason is that my life has turned into this mess is because I am married to a husband who is a mumma’s boy. Sadly, he isn’t even aware of it, just like most mumma’s boys are not.
Now as I have struggled, battled and devised my own coping mechanism, I wanted to let the world know it isn’t easy to be married to a mumma’s boy. While people will underestimate your battle, tell you that with time things will get better or everyone faces such issues; the reality is neither it is normal nor it is easy.
And that is why I am writing this article so that the world knows it’s not easy to be in a marriage with Mumma’s boy. I hope it may help women struggling in marriage to identify the early patterns.
Before you read any further, here is a disclaimer: Loving your mom unconditionally is not the issue but loving ONLY your mom and feeling guilty about loving your wife is. Taking care of every need of his mother is not the issue. But just thinking just about his mother is!
Here is what a woman goes through everyday in a marriage with mumma’s boy:
1. You don’t feel special; you don’t feel like the Lucky One; You Feel Like You Are The “OTHER WOMAN”
2. You are made to feel guilty about spending time with your husband. Just because he isn’t spending that time with his mother!
3. You are told that you are too demanding even if what you expect is only time, love and affection!
4. You have to always fight with your husband for his time; while he is always free for his family, his siblings!
5. You are shamed for being self-centered and selfish just because you want your husband to treat you like you matter!
6. You have to be ready for drama and taunts – just because your husband spent 10 mins alone with you. You need to hear words like- “Sons forget mother after marriage”, “now my son is a changed person, he doesn’t need his mother anymore”, “my son is under the control of my daughter-in-law” and much more.
7. Your husband makes you feel like he is doing something “illegal” by doing things alone with you!
8. Your husband asks you to bow down to the toxic behaviour of his family ad let it go.
9. Be ready to see your husband exchanging strange glances with your mother-in-law to make you feel like an outsider!
10. The dynamic between your husband and mother-in-law provokes anxiety and fear.
11. Be ready to give up all your plans with your husband because something last-minute, urgent will definitely happen each time you guys have a plan together!
12. Whenever you raise your voice to seek the love and respect that you deserve, your husband makes you feel GUILTY about coming into his life.
13. Your husband doesn’t leave a chance to let you and others know how his life was happier and easier before he got married!
14. Your husband tells you 1000 times how much his mom has done for him and how his time, his financial resources, his life is all hers!
15. Your husband doesn’t leave a chance to compare you to his mom and tells you every time how you are so much less than what she is!
16. And finally, your husband neglects your needs just to satisfy his mom’s shallow ego and just to make it a point that he is a perfect son.
Life being a mumma’s boy’s wife isn’t easy. It could be quite draining. While people may tell you it is normal to feel lonely, isolated and targeted, the answer is No. It is not normal. So, don’t keep suffering and hoping that things will get better.
Set boundaries, talk about your expectations, fall in love with yourself, seek professional help. Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t deserve – love, affection, care and respect of your husband and his family! For the last time, life being a wife of mumma’s boy is extremely tough and difficult. So, stop telling women it is normal! It isn’t!