There are so many women, who are giving their best to their families to make sure every family member has nothing but the best. These women struggle 24*7 between personal and professional life to ensure that their family doesn’t need to compromise on anything. They prioritize the whole family’s needs above their own. They compromise on their sleep, health, dreams, and aspirations to make sure that their husbands and their family live the life of their dreams!
But sadly, in return, they don’t get anything– neither love nor respect! I am one such woman – who sacrificed everything for my husband and his family – to live a life of a doormat!
My husband and I had a love marriage. We both studied together in our engineering college. Even though his family wasn’t excited about our marriage, I was thrilled. I thought with love and some adjustments, I will win them over! There will be adjustment issues at home but with time, things would get better. I thought with my husband’s love and support, we can win any battle.
Hardly I knew how disappointed I will be with my life once we get married. Even the man for whom I was ready to fight the whole world made me felt lonely and betrayed.
Post marriage, my husband rather than standing with me to win over his parents, made me feel useless. He left no chance to devalue me to make his parents feel important. He wanted to make endless sacrifices and compromises to make sure that his parents don’t have to make any adjustments at all. Even the times when his parents abused me or my parents, I stood silently to make sure that his parents don’t feel disrespected!
“Nisha, you are not the only woman making adjustments in marriage. There are so many women who give up their comfort to give comfort to their in-laws! My parents have done so much for me – they even accepted our marriage – now, you want me to take a stand against them! I don’t think I can hurt them any more!”
“But, Rohit, I am not asking you to take a stand against them. I want you to support me and get them to recognize my efforts. I am compromising on so many fronts to just make this marriage work. But, it is sad how you don’t care at all! You said we will always support each other what may come! So, now why I have to fight for acceptance from your parents alone! ”
“Nisha, I’m their son. Why don’t you understand that they have been in my life far longer than you have! It’s better you act like a responsible wife and daughter-in-law and make things work. And please, don’t ask me to choose between you and my parents! Because I can’t. I am sorry but this is between you and my parents. Please spare me! ”
After pleading to my husband on multiple occasions to support me, I have given up! I have given up making things work with my in-laws; I have given up expecting my husband to stand for me; I have given up on the desire to make my relationship better with my in-laws!
While I no longer crave for the desire to have a marriage of my dreams, here is what I want every husband, who is refusing to take a stand for her wife in marriage to know:
Dear Men,
Your betrayal to stand up for your wife has left her broken. While she tried hard to accept your home and family, you have no shame in making her stay in a home with no respect and dignity!
It is sad how you forgot that she is your wife before being a daughter-in-law or sister-in-law. She left everything just for you! She left everything behind to create a beautiful life with you. But, you gave her a life of loneliness, disrespect, and pain!
Rather than taking a stand for her dignity or respect, you gang up with your parents to make her feel less and insecure. While she kept making compromises for your family, you and your family leave no chance to insult her; to blame her!
While you keep reminding your wife that it’s her responsibility to keep you and your family happy, please don’t forget that your wife’s happiness and respect is your responsibility.
It’s your duty to protect your wife from seemingly small insults that break her and systematically make her feel like an outcast. It’s your responsibility that she feels safe and secure at home, that she is taken care of, and not ignored, and not made to feel like she is secondary to everyone. It’s your responsibility that she gets the status of your partner as opposed to that of a maid or a doormat.
