“I am their son. And, I won’t tolerate you talking back to my parents. They are so much elder to you. If you don’t have any respect of the relationship that they are your in-laws, atleast have some respect for their age!”
My husband yelled at me while I was in utter shock trying to understand what was happening.
Though I have been facing constant taunts and nagging from my in-laws, things have gone worse in the last few months. I have been working almost 18 hours a day between the work and household chores, but rather than applauding my commitment towards my work and family, I have been called names.
I have been labeled as a woman, who has no values, sanskaar, or character; who was raised by parents, who hardly know how to raise a daughter.
My in-laws have issues with everything that I do – My commitment towards my career; my desire to take care of my parents as I take care of my in-laws; my cooking skills and everything and anything under the sun.
When things got worse in the last few months, I asked my husband to intervene. But that turned out to be my biggest mistake.
It is hurtful when you are abused in front of your husband and he chooses to turn a blind eye. He refuses to even acknowledge the ill-treatment that you are met. Rather than focusing on his responsibilities as a husband, he chooses to remind you how he is a son, who can’t tell his parents that what they are doing is wrong.
Tired of seeing my husband’s inability to stand up for his wife’s dignity, I gathered my courage to retaliate and take a stand for myself.
Because I realized that I need to stand for myself sooner or later, otherwise this abuse will never stop!
So, the next time, when there was a comment on my character, I told my in-laws to watch their words.
When they called my parents bad names; I told them even I can say such words but I don’t want to stoop to their levels.
When they taunted me for not cooking as per their taste; I told them they were welcome to cook for themselves.
Sadly, the husband who refuses to intervene in this matter earlier decided to stand for his parents.
So, it was fine for him till I was suffering in silence; but as soon as I decided to stand for myself; he decided to get involved to protect his parents’ shallow ego. And at that moment I realized that how the man I married chose to remain only a son and refused to take up the responsibility of a husband.
At that moment I also realized how society, that on different occasions told me to forget that I was a daughter, reminded my husband that he has to be a son first and husband later.
As I am choosing not to carry this pain of a life without dignity, here are my 2 cents to every husband; who refuse to stand for their wives:
Dear Married Men,
It’s time to grow-up!
If you can’t take up the responsibility of being a husband, then stop judging your wives for being a sanskaari daughter-in-law or a good wife.
If you can’t make your wife a priority, then stop expecting her to make you hers.
You are a son. But, don’t forget that you also have to become a husband after marriage.
It’s not your parents’ ill-treatment that is killing your wife but your inability to stand for her; your choice of being silent when your parents abuse her; your choice of turning a blind eye when your parents blame her!
Being a good husband doesn’t make you a bad son! Help your parents find a healthy balanced relationship with your wife. Because after marriage, your wife’s happiness and dignity are your responsibility.
Please grow up! And take a stand for your wife against the abuse!