While you were working hard to score the top marks in your school and college, your parents were dreaming of getting you married. You may be a topper, a high achiever, but the one thing that makes parents happy is the news of your marriage.
Sadly, you are not alone. Like you, there are many of us who are being raised to study well so that we can be married into a good family. Our career has never been a priority. It was always about our Marriage.
I am a 28-year-old married woman, who wants to share what no one told me about marriage. Frankly, I have nothing against my husband and in-laws. I am blessed to have a supportive family. The problem is my dissatisfaction with the way marriage changed my life. The issue, I realized, is the mismatch between what I was made to believe marriage is vis-à-vis what marriage actually is.
Like many Indian girls, I was raised with a belief that your life is settled once you are married. And, I remember how excited I was to get married. But, with time, I realized that is nothing more than bullsh*t.
Though I pursued my education with full dedication, I gave my 100% to my job, I wasn’t serious about building a career. Like my parents, I was also made to believe that marriage was my ultimate goal. My parents made it a point that I pick up a profession that was easily manageable after marriage, the one where there are no long working hours. And unfortunately, I was totally fine with it.
Who cares about the job? Isn’t marriage is the end goal? – That is what I thought!
When I got engaged to this handsome man, I was so excited. But, it wasn’t just me, who was happy. I had never seen my parents so happy; They weren’t even so thrilled when I topped my college. In the coming months, the only thing that I could think about was my wedding preparation – my wedding lehenga, the various functions, Mehendi designs, dance rehearsals, make-up, and other things.
For me, the marriage celebration was a very important deal. Being a person, who believed in the notion of “happily ever after”, I felt a sense of achievement on the day of my marriage.
But, I hardly knew that what happens after marriage is the real deal.
Though our romantic movies may give us a sense that everything is a fairy tale once we get married, it’s not. In fact, the fairy tale part ends at the wedding. After the wedding day, the real struggle starts.
While I was trying hard to find satisfaction in my marriage (that I always hoped for), but I failed miserably. I wasn’t prepared for the loss of my individuality. I was heartbroken to find out that I had no other identity other than being someone’s wife, someone’s daughter-in-law.
Only after marriage, I learned that marriage is just part of life and not your whole life.
I wish someone could have told me this earlier. I wish I would have not taken my career for granted. I would have spent more time on building my career. Don’t get me wrong – Marriage is a beautiful institution. But, sadly no one tells you about the battle of individuality that you have to fight after marriage. There is nothing wrong in getting married but it is wrong – to take yourself for granted is; to trade your career, ambition, and dreams for the married life; to stop treating yourself as a priority!
So dear girls, please don’t give up on yourself just because you want to get married. You are important and so are your dreams and ambitions. You should be your first priority. Don’t let society or your parents make you believe that it’s the presence of a man that makes you complete. Don’t put yourself last for others! Don’t burn yourself to keep others warm!
I am writing this letter to let those young souls know what I didn’t know. Marriage is a beautiful institution but what your parents and society don’t tell you is the fact that for many of us it comes at a cost of our identity. Marriage is much more than just lehenga or marriage functions or makeup. Marriage isn’t the ultimate goal;
Finally, you can’t fall in love with someone else before falling in love with yourself.
So, before loving someone else and committing yourself to marriage, please fall in love with yourself; fall in love with your dreams; fall in love with your career! Because marriage is just a part of life; not the whole life.
– From, A married woman who gave up everything for marriage!