This thought-provoking letter on being married to an alpha man is published under the IFORHER Open Letter Series. Please be kind with your comments, as it is never easy to share personal struggles.
I Married an Alpha Male And It Turns Out To Be The Biggest Mistake Of My Life: My Story
I’m reaching out to share something that’s been on my mind for a while now. You know how in movies, we often see the alpha male portrayed as this unbeatable hero? Well, let me tell you, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I’ve been there, done that, and I’m here to tell you that being with an alpha male is not a fairy tale but a living hell.
Through this open letter, I want to urge all the women out there, not to fall for this glorified image. Trust me, I learned the hard way. I married an alpha male, thinking it was what I wanted, but it turned out to be anything but. The struggles, the constant mistreatment, the emotional rollercoaster—it’s not worth it. So, before you get swept up in the idea of being with an alpha male, take a step back and read my story. I hope it will help you avoid making the same mistake that I made because some mistakes cost you years of pain, hurt, and struggle.
When I fell in love with alpha male
In college, I fell head over heels for my ex-husband. He had all the qualities that built the persona of an alpha male. I was drawn to his commanding presence, his go-getter attitude, and especially his charm of making people do what he wants. His confidence was magnetic, and I felt lucky to be with someone so strong and assured.
When we embarked on our journey as a couple together, I believed with every fiber of my being that I was marrying the epitome of strength, confidence, and ambition – an alpha man, as they say. Little did I know that behind the facade of dominance and control lay a darkness that would cast a shadow over our marriage.
Darker side of alpha traits broke me and my marriage
As our relationship progressed, I began to see the darker side of his alpha traits. Over time, his alpha qualities morphed into something far more sinister. His assertiveness turned into aggression, and his need to always be in control became suffocating. What I once admired as strength began to feel more like dominance, and I started to question whether this was the kind of partner I wanted.
His need for dominance began to suffocate me, his control chipped away at my confidence, and his ambition overshadowed any semblance of love and compassion. His confidence was more about narcissism, and his ‘I am always right’ attitude made me feel invisible in the relationship. We only had one way to do things – his way. Even when it came to my personal decisions – whether it be my job, my clothes, or anything else – I was expected to follow his decisions because he thought he knew the best.
I found myself trapped in a marriage with alpha male
I found myself trapped in a marriage that became more about power struggles than a partnership, more about ego than empathy. Every day became a battle to maintain my sense of self, to preserve my dignity, to hold onto fragments of the person I once was before his shadow engulfed me.
I realize now that I was drawn to the idea of an alpha man because I believed it meant security, protection, and unwavering strength. But I failed to see that true strength lies not in domination but in vulnerability, not in control but in compassion, not in ambition at the expense of others but in humility and kindness.
During this darkness, however, there is a glimmer of hope. Through this harrowing journey, I have rediscovered my strength – the quiet resilience that allows me to stand tall in the face of adversity, the courage to speak my truth, and the wisdom to know when it’s time to walk away.
My life with a man – who thankfully isn’t alpha
4 years after my divorce – I have found love again. And, my new relationship made me realize that being with a man who isn’t focused on being an alpha, but instead values empathy, understanding, and equality is a fairytale. It’s in the little moments of kindness, like when he surprises me with my favorite snack or simply holds my hand during a difficult moment, that I realize the depth of our connection.
He respects my opinions and freedom, encouraging me to pursue my dreams and aspirations without hesitation. In him, I’ve found a partner who not only sees me as an equal but also celebrates my strengths and stands by me in my vulnerabilities. With him, I’ve learned that true love isn’t about dominance or control but about mutual respect, understanding, and unwavering support.
As I find my new self, I just want you to know that marriage with a so-called alpha male is not a fairy tale. It’s a living hell. So, despite how these movies show alpha males as heroes – they are devils who will suck every inch of self-pride, confidence, and soul from you.
Hope this may help someone and stop her from bearing lifelong hurt and pain.
– One of the IFORHER community member
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