Like any other child, I always wanted to give my mother a very comfortable life. And, why shouldn’t I? My mother struggled so much in her life to see me where I am today. My mother compromised at so many levels to ensure all my dreams are fulfilled. From selling off her gold to pay my college fees, to standing next to me whenever I needed courage, my mother has been no less than a hero for me! So, now, when I was doing good in my life, I wanted my mother to do well too! I wanted her to have everything that she didn’t have before! I wanted her to enjoy all the comfort of her life that she gave up while raising her two kids!
When I got married, I expected my wife to make sure that my mother had the most comfortable life. I expected her to give up her own dreams and desires to fulfil my desire of being a great son, who did everything to give his mother a comfortable life.
I just expected my wife to take up all the responsibilities from my mother’s shoulders; I expected her to respect my mother even her regressive and patriarchal thoughts too! I expected her to give my mother respect even if my mother doesn’t respect her! I expected her to give up her aspirations to go abroad to serve my mother!
I just assumed that my wife would have the same feeling to serve my mother as I had. But, with time, I realized how wrong I was. How unfair it was to expect my wife to give up her life and desires to fulfil my desire of being a good son!
My mother woke up early to help me prepare for my school exams; She gave up on her dreams to make sure that I have the best shot at life; She stood against the whole world to let me pursue my unbelievable dreams.
My mother did all that and more. What she did – she did it for me! For me, not for my wife.
Then why I expect my wife to do repay the debts that I owe to my mother? Why do I expect her to bear all my mother’s unjustified actions and unkind words? Why do I expect her to do all those things that I should be doing for my mother?
It took me almost 4 years of my marriage to understand that my wife is here not for my mother, but for me. While it is extremely sad that it took me 4 years, I find some comfort in the fact that many Indian men spend their whole life without even realizing this unsaid truth. So, I am sad that it took me years to understand it but at least I finally realized.
Dear Indian Men, our wives married to us; not to our parents! So, stop expecting them to ignore our parents’ abusive behaviour! They haven’t seen their good side as you did, so how could you expect them to ignore their bad side! And, as you strive hard to be a good son, please make some effort to be a good husband too! Because your wives deserve your best as much as your parents!