Since our childhood, we are taught to respect our elders, especially our parents. Come what may, how wrong they are, you are told to respect them. Even, when you tend to raise your voice when they did something wrong – you are told – “Issi din ke liye paida kiya tha ki parents se ucchi awaaz mein baat karogey” (Translation: We didn’t give you birth so that you can yell at us.)
Since our childhood, whenever we raised our voice and tried to make them realize their mistake, we were emotionally blackmailed. Hence, we started shutting our eyes and ignoring their regressive and patriarchal actions. And, finally as we became adults, we mastered the art of letting go! We blinded ourselves to their views and treatment. We arrived at the conclusion that our parents are not going to change – So, what’s the point of even having the conversation about their regressive thoughts and actions.
While we, men, took almost 25-27 years to reach a stage to ignore our parents’ regressive thoughts and actions, we unfairly expected our wives to start doing it from the day of marriage.
Whenever they raised concern about our parents’ ill behaviour, even if we knew they were wrong, we gave them our golden advice – Ignore them! Let it go! Please adjust! We didn’t advise them to take a stand, we didn’t stand with them, we didn’t stand for them! Rather, we told them – ignore our parents’ regressive and painful attitude! Because that’s what we learnt in last 27 years while growing up with our parents.
But, there is another reason, why we ask our wives to ignore our parents or suffer the abuse. Because, we are told that no matter whatever parents do, we are expected to respect them. After all, they have done so much for us. From bringing us to this world to providing us basic amenities to providing us education, they have done so much for us. And, taking a stand against them for a wife feels like a betrayal – even if they are wrong!
Hence, to get rid of the feeling of betrayal or not to earn the label of a bad son, we tell our wives to ignore it; we tell them to let it go! While our parents or family break our wives emotionally, we stand quietly hoping not to take a stand against our own creators.
This is the dilemma many husbands feel who refuse to take a stand for their wives, even though they know their parents are at fault. But, here’s what as a loving son and a husband, I want to tell other men:
There is no shame in standing for your wife if your parents don’t treat her well.
Firstly, because before being a son or a husband, you are a human. And, no responsible human should shut their eyes to the abuse of others! Secondly, your wife left everything for you; she left behind her parents and family to be part of yours. If you can’t take a stand for her happiness and dignity, then, probably, you don’t deserve her! Thirdly, you can’t run away from helping your parents to become better humans. They helped you learn so many things about values and now, it’s your turn to help them learn how to treat their daughters-in-law with the respect!
Hope you will come out of your shell, show some spine and take the stand for your wife against abuse! Because she’s worth it!
