How many times have you heard the phrases – “Aurat hi aurat ki sabse badi dushman hai” or “Women are their own enemies”. I don’t think there would be hardly anyone who hasn’t! But, there are many who have actually lived it too.
After marriage, I became a victim at the hands of women rather than men. Believe me, in a country where many women suffer the abuse at the hands of men, there is a misconception that ONLY men promote patriarchy. Many times, it’s women themselves who are the torchbearer of patriarchy.
Once a victim, these women themselves become the promoter of patriarchal society.
After marriage, when I met these torchbearers of patriarchy, I realized how true is the phrase – Aurat hi aurat ki sabse badi dushman hai! If you have been blessed to be surrounded by supportive women, I am so happy for you. I know it may be difficult for you to believe in my story. But, please remember, just because it’s not your reality that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
My-female-in-laws & their constant bullying to make me feel less
While after marriage my husband treated me with the utmost respect, women in my in-laws didn’t. They left no stone unturned in bullying me for anything to everything. Whether it was about the clothes that I wore or the way I cooked or the way I spoke or the way I walked or the way I laughed, women in my in-laws were ready to criticize me!
“In our times, we never used to rest! We used to do so much work manually, used to make 100s of chappatis for 20 people every day. But, we never complained or asked for rest. These girls of today make 10 chappatis and feel tired. For 10 chappatis also, they want their husbands to help them!”, my mother-in-law says loudly so that her voice reaches my room, where I was resting after a long working day at office.
I am sure she wasn’t happy with how she was treated by her mother-in-law after marriage. But, she was ready to ill-treat her own daughter-in-law in the same way!
I wonder, how after bearing so much pain, she could think of gifting the same pain to someone else!
Be it my sister-in-law or my mother-in-law or my bua-saas or my maami-saas, all of them made sure that they leave no stone unturned in making me realize how they were better than me or how I wasn’t good enough!
I did not understand what joy these women used to get by making sure that my husband and I don’t spend enough time together.
“Look at you Bhaiya, how you have become jodu ka ghulam. You have no time for your mother or sister!! All you do is keep going out with your wife to different places. Now she is your everything. We are nothing to you. Earlier atleast you used to spend weekends at home and now look at you, every Saturday and Sunday, you are going out with Bhabhi!”
But, what’s the most disgusting and heart-breaking fact about the treatment is that these women make you feel ashamed for being a woman.
They will tell you not to see yourself as equal to men. They will tell you to compromise on your dreams and freedom just because you are a woman. They will tell you to remember that woman is always secondary to husband!
Rather than indulging in self-pity, I wonder: How some women try so hard to make sure that the other woman does not succeed in her life? Their attempt to make sure that another woman suffers as they did is the most heartbreaking reality of our patriarchal society.
Why don’t you like other women to succeed? Why don’t you stand for other women? Why don’t you want them to be happy? Why? Just because someone has been unfair to you, that doesn’t mean you have to be unfair to someone else.
In order to make the world a better place for women, we don’t need men to support us; We just want women to support each other.
So the next time when you see a woman struggling, lend her your support! When you a woman winning, celebrate her win. Because, only together we can make a difference!