“Sheena, I can’t picture my life without you. I will keep you like a Queen. I will be there for you forever. On rainy days, I will be your umbrella; On a sad day, I will be your cushion; And I will be your tissue when you want to cry! I will be always there for you!”, my then-boyfriend and now husband proposed to me 6 years back.
After fighting against my whole family for over a year to agree to my marriage, I married him. I hurt my parents, but I knew this man will stand for me when things will go wrong; He will make sure that I stay happy; He will go to any extent to make this marriage work. At that moment, I felt it was worth the fight.
Now 6 years later, the reality of my life is so disappointing that I don’t even have the courage to speak to my parents about it. Rather than making me queen of his heart, my husband made me a maid and babysitter for his family.
The man who once said that he will be there for me when things get tough, now shies away from even standing up for me; The man who once said that he would be my cushion on a sad day, now complains that I crib and cry a lot; The man who said he will be my tissue when I cry, now leaves me alone in my room to cry; The man who said will be always there for me, now is never present in our marriage; He is so busy in being a good son, that he has forgotten all the promises he made!
Rather than being apologetic about how he conveniently broke his promises, he gets angry with me and blames me for expecting too much! It breaks my heart how expecting love and respect can be qualified as ‘too much!’ Isn’t it the foundational need of any relationship?
There are days when I feel lonely in my marriage. I couldn’t gather the courage to tell my parents that all the fight, trauma, and hurt that I gave them for my husband wasn’t worth it! How I come to the terms that I was cheated and now my marriage is a tale of only broken promises? How every day I feel lonely and wonder will my husband ever be able to deliver on promises that he once made? How I feel that I am living a life with a stranger, who isn’t at all the man whom I fell in love with!
But, in the midst of so many broken promises, I haven’t let life leave me broken. With every passing moment, I am finding courage to accept my realities and move forward. I have stopped relying on my husband to stand for me! I have started fighting my own battles! I have become my own cushion and tissue for the days when I cry! I have become my own umbrella on stormy days! I have realized that self-love and self-care is the ultimate form of affection that one can receive in his/ her life.
I have decided I won’t let others poison my life. I have decided I won’t carry the burden of my expectations anymore! I have decided that I deserve happiness as much as anyone else. So, I am taking charge of my life. And, as I am putting the pieces of my broken life together, I keep telling myself – “Picture Abhi Baaki Hai Dost!”