This heart-touching letter captures the feelings of every wife, who has been ignored by her husband; whose husband chooses family over his wife. An emotional letter by one such wife, who felt her husband failed her.
Do you remember when we met at our favorite coffee shop just a day before our engagement, you took my hand in your hand and said: “Whatever happens, I will always be there for you. I will always protect you!”
And now after 4 years of marriage, when I am insulted in front of you, you hardly have a word to say. You hardly have the guts to stand for the person, who left everything for you – her family, her home!
You never mentioned that your promise of protecting me comes with *Terms and Condition. You didn’t mention that your promise comes with an exception that you will not protect me if I have been attacked by your own family. If my dignity is being squashed by your own parents, you will choose to stay silent.
Rather than fighting for my dignity, you will tell me to ignore things or maybe try to justify their toxic behavior towards me.
It breaks my heart that when I was insulted, you never stood up for me. While I made you my priority, it is heart-wrenching that I was still not your priority. Whenever I was insulted, I stayed silent to maintain the sanity of the house, hoping you will try to make your parents understand their faults. But every time, you tried to normalize their toxic behaviors in the name of respect for elders.
Whenever I try to raise my voice against the heartbreaking attack on my self-respect or on my parents or on my life choices, you would tell me:
“You need to understand why they said that to you; They are not your enemies.”
“Accept them, they are like that. It’s difficult to change them now.”
“Why you focus so on what they say. They care about you. Just ignore.”
“You need to stop being so emotional or touchy. Try to ignore the bad things and look for the good ones.”
I wonder how could you blind yourself to the treatment that I was met with.
How could you act like everything is normal? In those helpless moments, I would just pray to God that for once He exchanges our places. Maybe when you become a daughter-in-law, you will realize how much it pains to handle those hurtful comments that make you feel like an outsider even after four years of marriage.
I didn’t leave my parents and my home to be treated like an educated maid. I left my whole life behind to create a beautiful future with you. But sadly, for you, my pain is meaningless. Rather than reducing my pain, you asked me to develop a habit of bearing that pain silently.
But, I refuse to become a victim of toxic behavior anymore. I refuse to be abused in the name of sanskaar and elder’s respect. I refuse to let people stomp on my dignity and self-respect, while you stand silently. I am going to stand for myself, even if you can’t. Because respect is a two-way street. If you can’t respect me or my family, please stop demanding it.
While I have no qualms in standing for myself, even if the world labels me as ‘badatmeez‘ or ‘unsanskaari’. But, here’s one note for you –
“If you can’t make me your priority; then stop expecting me to make you my priority. If I come last for you, then you don’t deserve the right to come first for me.”
P.S. Here’s a request to every husband out there:
Stand up for your wife and protect her from the attacks that come from the people close to you. Let your family and friends know that when it comes to your wife and marriage, there is a line they cannot be crossed. It is fine not to take sides. But, refuse to blind yourself to the toxic behaviors that your wife is made victim to. Don’t normalize the toxic behavior just because they are your parents or siblings. It’s fine to be a son, but don’t forget you are a husband too!
And, in case you find yourself helpless to protect your wife’s honor and dignity at least don’t stop her from protecting herself. If you can’t stand for her, let her at least stand for herself.