Having been married to my husband for 10 years, I must confess I never thought we would last so long – the reason being our strong personalities, our demanding careers, and our poles-apart families. But, we did, and it surprises many people around us as much as it does us.
In the times when many perfect marriages (at least that’s what I thought) around me are tumbling under modern societal pressure, someone suggested that I should share what made our marriage stronger over the years. And, I thought even if it can help one couple, it’s worth it. So, here I am sharing what worked in our marriage and made it stronger over the years.
I understand that every marriage is different, and what worked for us may not work for you. Please skip those aspects if they don’t resonate with you. But, don’t be cruel and pass harsh judgments in the comments section, as we already have so much sadness around us – why spread more?
10 Simple Things That Made My Marriage Stronger
1. Never go to bed while being mad at each other
When I told my boss that I was getting married, he gave me one very solid piece of advice. He said – “Marriages are tough these days. They are not like the ones our parents had. Even though you haven’t asked me – I will still tell you – Never ever go to bed without resolving the fight. Sit and talk through.”
And, I realized that for a couple like us – who had a lot of fights during our first year of marriage – it helped us work through our differences a lot. It pushed us to resolve our fights rather than going to sleep angry and then giving each other silent treatments, slowly drifting away.
2. Show gratitude for the small things we do for each other
We don’t forget to feel grateful and tell the other person how lucky we are to have each other. For instance, my husband, who used to be a late sleeper before marriage, now makes an effort to get up early on weekends to make bed tea for me because I am a die-hard tea lover. And, every time he does it – I make sure I tell him – How he makes me the luckiest girl on earth!
Goodbye hugs and kisses: Believe me, goodbye hugs and kisses are so underrated. My husband and I have a habit of giving goodbye hugs and kisses to each other. No matter how busy or gloomy the day looks – we make sure that we give each other a goodbye hug and kiss! If one forgets – the other one asks for it!
3. Sending funny gifs to show love during the day
During the day while we succumbed to the pressure of our work commitments – we do send funny gifs to each other to bring a smile. This may look like a minute thing – but, believe me, it brings joy and a connection to our marriage like nothing else.
4. Never compare your marriage or partner to others
One thing that murders a marriage is comparison. The moment you start comparing your husband/wife to others – you not only deprive them of the respect they deserve but also irreparably harm your marriage. In the times of social media, I have seen so many couples comparing their marriage to others based on what they post on social media. My husband and I don’t post our special moments online, nor do we let social media’s portrayal of fake happiness affect our real joy.
5. We are not just lovers, we are each other’s best friends
Once, I asked my husband who his best friend was. Being the intellectual he is, he asked me to define the term “best friend.” I explained that it’s someone with whom you’re not ashamed to share your darkest secrets or fears, someone you can always rely on, someone who will stand by you no matter what. He said, “YOU!”
6. No Blame Games
Both of us are very much aware that we’re not perfect. We are people with flaws. And, hence, we just refrain from pointing fingers at each other’s flaws. Many marriages fail because couples tend to pinpoint flaws in each other, hoping to win arguments, but in this sad game of blame – both lose because the marriage suffers.
7. We hype each other like no one does
My husband and I really hype each other – we build each other up. In the times when the world leaves no stone unturned in bringing us down – why do that to each other? We make sure on the days when dark clouds cover our partner’s mind and soul, we suck that out and pump in some positive energy. We realized if we don’t build each other – who else will?
8. Enjoy things that the other person likes – no matter how much you hate it
My husband loves 90s songs – something many people wouldn’t know about my introverted, reserved husband. So, once a month, we play random 90s songs and dance like no one is watching. And, He makes sure to watch my favorite genre – romcom – with me despite he doesn’t like them very much.
9. Keep the third wheels away
Many marriages fail because we let other people come in between our marriages. We overshare with our families and friends about our marriage and give them the power that should have been kept between our partners. On day 1, I told my husband – “Our marriage is our and only our responsibility. We have to protect it at any cost. No matter how much I love my family, I will never let them get involved in our personal matters.” And, he made the same promise and we have kept it till date.
10. And, three simple words – ‘I Love You’
I know there are more things that people must be doing to make marriage work in today’s complex environment. Do share what you think makes marriage stronger in the comments section below. And, in case if you find this post helpful, don’t forget to share it.
This post has been written by our community member as she shares her personal experience and insights on building a strong and lasting marriage.