It is never easy to be in a relationship, where you’re made to feel unwanted and incompetent every day. Even if the insults & comparisons are small, if these happen on a regular basis – one is bound to feel like a thousands needles are being put through your skin. And all this is bound to lead to deterioration of one’s mental health.
Imagine your own aprtner saying – “Everyone at the home is okay with things, but you always have issues”, or “Look at our Bhabhi, she takes care of everything, while you have no time for the family”, or “Why can’t you take care of yourself. It’s just a common cold you’re suffering from. Why do you need me to make tea for you!”
Dear husband, these small things make one feel unwanted, insulted, and left behind. While you and our society might think these are small things, but the impact of these things is really big.
There have been numerous times when we’re sitting on the dining table, everyone is laughing and chatting, but as soon as I bring something up – everyone goes quiet. All because, even after 7 years of marriage, they still feel I’m an outsider. And the worse part of it all – even you feel the same way. I’ve lost count of how many times I walked into a secret family meeting, only to be told that it was “nothing” and I didn’t have to worry about what was being talked about. These incidents and mis-behaviors might seem small to you, but dear husband I want to tell you today – it is not easy to live with it. And it is leading to a continuous deterioration of my mental health.
Do you remeber 2 months back you had a little fever, and I was on nurse duty for full 2 days. In addition to my regular cooking, cleaning and other household responsibilities, I had to be full-time caretaker for you. And immediately a week later, when I caught the same viral fever, I had to continue all my responsibilities – with no one even asking how I was doing. It was like no one cared. It was like I’m just a maid to the family.
Let me tell you, these small things that happen on a daily basis, are not small. These are just another form of abuse. And when I react on these small things, please understand. I’m not reacting due to one incident – but rather, I’m reacting to the continuous stream of incidents where I’m being made to feel small, feel ignored, feel unwanted, and feel ridiculed.
All this has taken a huge toll on me. It has taken me to a stage where I’ve facing serious mental health problems. Luckily, I understand that now. And I’m going to take actions to improve it. While I make conscious efforts to tackle these issues, you would feel I’m being disrespectful to you and your family. Or you might feel that I care less about you. But please understand, it is all part of the process where I’m going to priortize my health over everything else. I would love it if you support me in this cause. But if you don’t, please don’t expect that I would be the same mute and selfless wife at the end of it all.
Unfortunately, this is not just my case. Millions of women across our country are facing the same issues and we are in a state of emergency of sorts. Where millions are undergoing mental health issues, with no one to support them problem. So here’s my two cents of all the Husbands and our dear society – If you can’t support the women of the house overcome this challenge, do not expect that things will remain the same. Women of today are understanding their state, and are going to take actions with or without your support. Better be part of the change that is going to happen, rather than resist!