“Rahul, you knew I had a critical meeting and I may get late. The least you could have warmed dinner for the family and helped Kiara with her homework.”
“Beta, Men will be men. Don’t expect too much from them. We ,women, need to be smarter with our time and responsibilities.”
In a fraction of a second, my mother-in-law not only justified my husband’s irresponsible behavior but also put the blame on me for not being careful enough with my responsibilities.
Men Will Be Men: The Universal Excuse
These four words are the most powerful excuse that society designed for men to justify their irresponsible behavior and to pass on all the burden of responsibilities over women. When society says – Men will be Men; what they actually mean is Men will be Men but Women Need to be Superwomen! What could you even expect from the society that hardly treats women and men equally.
Even our marriages are another reflection of how as a society, we make the lives of women difficult. With biased customs and unequal expectations, more often than not, women are always on the receiving end of the marriage. While many things change for women after marriage, men live as much comfortable a life as they could.
My life was no different.
After marriage, while I struggled with massive changes, managing home, office, in-laws, kids, and partner’s needs, my husband was sailing through.
I used to get up at 6:30am in the morning to cook breakfast and lunch; Parallelly I would make sure the maid cleaned properly. Didn’t matter how early I would get up, I would always be late for the office. I would rush to do dusting and arrange things that Rahul misplaced the earlier evening. Meanwhile, Rahul would sleep peacefully in his bed refusing to acknowledge how much I was struggling and how he could help me. Even at 8 am, when I tell will ask him to get up, his mother would tell me:
“Let him sleep. Since he was a kid, he used to get up late.”
“Mummy, before marriage, I also used to get up late. But, now, we have responsibilities.”
“Beta, Men will be Men. How could you even expect Rahul to help you out in your work? He has never even made tea for himself.”
If you have been raised to be strong and independent, then you could easily spot what all is wrong with my mother-in-laws’ statement. Firstly, the household chores isn’t just the wife’s work. It is husband-wife work. And, hence, Rahul has to equally participate. Secondly, there is nothing to be proud of, if your kid doesn’t even know how to cook tea for himself.
But this isn’t just my story.
Our society that raises its daughter to be selfless and to take care of others at her own cost hardly cares about her struggle. She is raised to sacrifice her dreams, her sleep, her happiness so that people around her could be happy. But, isn’t it unfair. Isn’t it shameful how the society that preaches its daughters to be great wives; forgets to teach its sons how to be good husbands!
While society holds so many expectations from women, it hardly has any from men. Every time our men falter, society is quick to refuse to see their fault. Rather it covers up their flaws under the umbrella excuse of “Men will be Men”. But if a woman falters, our society is quick to judge them, shame them and insult them.
Dear Society,
Why do you hate your women so much? Why do you raise your daughters with the mindset to serve others while you hardly teach anything to your sons? While you raise your daughters to be there for others, there is no one for them. While she takes care of everyone’s well being, no one takes care of her!
It is heartbreaking that even in the 21st century, Indian men struggle to share household responsibilities. Many of them still fail to acknowledge that running a house and taking care of the family is a collaborative effort and not just the job responsibility for ‘wife’.
Even though we are living in the 21st century, our institution of marriage still refuses to view husband and wife as equal. That’s the reason why so many young women refuse to get married. If as a society we want to progress, we can’t accommodate this inequality in our marriages anymore.
We need to get rid of this regressive thought process and stop telling ourselves that “Men will be Men!”
From,
A Superwoman Wife who demands equality!