She was her father’s princess, her mother’s heartbeat. She was a fun-loving, one of the most living souls alive. In her every smile, her father would find the happiness of a lifetime and her mother couldn’t stop smiling whenever she hears her giggling across the room. They made her learn how to live every moment of life. In fact, not of her home, but she was also the life of her friends’ group. If she won’t turn up for a friends’ get-together, her friends will keep calling her till she agrees. Because, in the end, she is the one, who glued them together.
As she turned 22, her parents started looking out for various marriage proposals. It was difficult to part away from their ‘Dil ka Tukda’ but customs are customs. And, how could be they so selfish to let their daughter stay with them forever. In the end, they couldn’t give that happiness to her, that a man would give. But, hardly, her parents knew, their daughter, who was once full of happiness, after marriage, who slowly slip into depression. Though her parents got her married to have more happiness, hardly they knew, she won’t be left with any.
Now, while many refuse to see her sadness and depression, the ones who did, called her weak. They blamed her for her depression or sadness. They called her too moody, too touchy, or too emotional, or too hyper. But no one ever wondered, is she really the culprit of her lost self? Who is the real culprit, who needs to be blamed for her depression?
This isn’t just my story. It is the story of many Indian women, who lose every bit of their lively soul after marriage. While they give up on their own happy self, many even refuse to acknowledge the problem.
So here I am writing on behalf of all those fun-loving women who slipped into depression after marriage and lost themselves.
Dear Society, While you blame the women for slipping into the depression in the marriage, what about you look into the mirror and answer why.
Why marrying at the right age is more important than marrying the right man?
Why she was told that marriage is even more important than her own dreams? Even if her parents love her so much, why they don’t listen to her when she says – “Mummy Papa, I want to build my career first!”? Why rather than listening to her request, the parents who loved her the most still push her to marry? They tell her – “Betaji, career toh life bhar banta rahega! Marry first! Why?
She was promised a new home, then why she was given a battlefield after marriage? The battlefield where she had to constantly fight for her dignity and respect! When she was told she could build her career after marriage, then suddenly why everyone in the new house started having issues with her job and working hours?
Why was she not given the love and respect after the marriage that she was promised? Why was she expected to stay quiet as she was abused by her own so-called parents’ in-laws and husband?
When her parents needed her, she was told that she couldn’t go and take care of them. Because she was not a daughter anymore; She was a daughter-in-law, who was expected to take care of someone else’s parents but not hers!
Why was she treated like an educated maid and a punching bag, while she was told she would be treated like a daughter?
Why was her own husband, who promised to protect her honor, stood quietly in the corner, when she was called names – b*tch, prostitute, or labeled as unsanskaari bahu? While the one who was supposed to make her happy, ganged up with his family to make fun of her and her family!
Why were her parents shamed for intervening and protecting their daughters from everyday abuse?
While it was important for her to earn money as much as her husband, even then she was insulted and treated like garbage at home! Why?
While she struggled hard to be accepted as a part of the family, she was always treated as an outsider! While she was there for everyone, there was no one to be there for her!
And, after all this, you blame her for her depression, her emotions, her sadness, her tears! Her in-laws blinded themselves to her sufferings, her husband blinded himself to her tears and her parents felt helpless but never spared the courage to ask her to come back home.
Though she suffered everything alone, rather than applauding her strength, she was blamed for being too weak, too emotional, too touchy!
Dear Society, you can do much better for your daughters! Stop making them suffer in silence! It’s not only her in-laws and husband who need to blamed but also her parents who told her to suffer in silence. The only thing that woman needs to be blamed for is the fact that she let others manipulate her; rather than raising her voice chose to suffer in silence, she gave up her respect for her family’s honor!
And most importantly, she needs to be blamed for not fighting for herself, her dreams & dignity!