“Priya, as a wife, you should respect Rohan. You should not counter or question his decisions. Like a good wife, you should follow him.”
“How could you ask Rohan to cook food and wash dishes. Isn’t he your husband? How could being his wife, you can ask him to do so?”
“Priya just because you go on a job that doesn’t mean you don’t have to perform any duties of a wife! You should make sure that you come back home before Rohan returns, and finish all household chores!”
One thing which is very common in Indian households is a mother-in-law teaching her daughter-in-law how to be a good wife. With an endless To-Do list, the daughter-in-law is told to change, adjust, adapt to the regressive patriarchal mindset in name of traditions, customs and family values.
While women are being judged constantly on how they perform their marital duties, it is disgusting how the Raja Betas are told to enjoy their lives as usual. While women are set against the highest standard of sacrifices and duties, men are set against none!
So, here’s a short note not only to my mother-in-law but every MIL, who is busy finding flaws in their daughter-in-law for not being a good wife. Why are they shutting their eyes to their Raja beta’s careless and laid back attitude as a husband?
While you are busy teaching your daughter-in-law how to be a good wife, can you please spare some time to teach your son how to be a good husband? Can you please teach him that his wife is his life partner, not a maid or nanny?
Can you please teach him how to stand for his wife’s dignity, rather than asking her to suffer abuse? Can you teach your son how to not only force his wife to respect everybody but also allow her to demand it too?
Can you please teach him how to be emotionally available for his wife like he is for his friends, family or others? Can you please teach him how to do household chores and be independent, rather than being dependent on his wife?
Can you please teach him how to stand for his wife as she raises her voice against the toxicity? Can you teach your son to stop being spineless as he silently lets his family shatters his wife’s confidence? Can you teach your son how not to force his wife to endlessly adjust or sacrifice?
And, while you teach him how to be a good son, hope you will teach yourself how to treat your daughter-in-law as a human with dignity! Because, it is not me who need to learn how to be a good wife, it is your Raja Beta and you who need to learn how to treat me with respect, dignity and equality!