Even though we are striving hard to raise independent daughters, things haven’t changed much for women in our society. While sharing how she was treated by our well-educated modern son-in-law and his parents, my independent daughter mentioned:
“Mummy, my marriage is not very different than yours. You struggled because you were not independent and strong. But, even after being strong and independent, things are not beautiful for me.
After marriage, Vishal and his parents treated me as if I had no identity. Even though I am a working woman, I hardly have any respect in the family. Vishal and his family believe they have birth right on my savings and earnings but have no responsibility towards me.
Whenever I attempt to stand for myself, Vishal’s parents label me as a dangerous woman. Just because I know my rights and won’t take abuse of any form.
Sadly Vishal, even after being so well educated and modern, also believes them. During the fights, he will tell me how he made a mistake to marry me because rather than suffering the abuse of his parents, I raise my voice. Now, he is worried for himself and his parents as I am aware of my rights and may not suffer the abuse in silence. It is sad how he treats me like his dangerous half, rather than his equal half!”
After listening to my daughter’s heart-breaking struggle, I wondered how there is something tremendously wrong with the social conditioning of our sons? Sadly, while we worked so hard to raise independent daughters, we forgot to raise sons who admired these strong women. We forgot to change the mindset of parents of sons who still believe that they have done a favor to the girl’s family by getting their son married to her.
Even after being equally educated and earning similar salaries, women are still struggling for respect and dignity. Even though our sons tend to believe they are modern, they are still trapped in the age-old regressive thoughts like ‘men are superior to women’!
I have so much to say to those modern sons-in-law, who treat their educated, strong, and independent wives as dangerous half rather than better half.
But before I share what I have to say – here is a small disclaimer: This post is not for those men who believe in equality; who admire strong and independent women; who don’t consider their wives as dangerous for standing for their rights! This post is for those who want educated and independent wives, but don’t want them to raise their voices against the abuse.
Dear Modern Son-in-law,
Please stop failing our daughters. We raise them to be strong and independent so that they can be your equal partner. Stop treating them like your dangerous half – who is going to separate you from your family or who is going to harm your family! Neither she is there to poison you nor she is there to break your family. She just expects to be treated with love and respect, the way she treats you and your family.
The way you want to live life on your own terms, the same way she wants to live hers; The way you don’t want people to force you to make endless compromises and adjustments, she doesn’t want it either!
The way you are making some adjustments to make marriage work so is she! The way you love your space, so does she! The way you are struggling hard to ensure a bright future for your family, so is she!
So, then why should she be deprived of the love, care, and respect that she showers on you and your family.
Our society may have conditioned you to treat everyone as your priority except your wife. But, that needs to change. Just like you want you to be your wife’s priority, so does she.
Please don’t crush your wife and her dreams just to please others. Don’t smash your wife’s desire to lead a life of dignity! Rather than telling her to suffer abuse in silence, stand for her!
You can do so much better than the earlier generations of men. Please don’t fail our daughters!