“Love is unconditional!”
Many times in my life people have told me that love is unconditional. This cliché has been used sometimes by my friends; sometimes by my boyfriends and sometimes my husband! And many times, it was just a clever excuse to do things that would hurt my self-respect or dignity!
When I told my husband, how he needs to take a stand for me or how I can’t put up with his burst of anger or frequent day-outs with his friends or his lack of responsibility towards me; more often than not – his reply was:
“If you truly love a person, you don’t expect them to change; love is unconditional!”
That makes me wonder – Is love unconditional? Or the more important question is should we love anybody unconditionally?
Many times, sadly, the cover of unconditional love is used as an excuse to insult you; to hurt your dignity; to force you to do things that you don’t want to; to tell you that you have to be selfless when you are in love! But, should we?
If love is unconditional; what about our self-respect? Because we may label LOVE as unconditional; self –respect is NOT.
Shouldn’t any relationship that we bring into our lives be based on some obvious conditions? Shouldn’t we know where to draw the line? Because any relationship that expects you to compromise on self-worth; is it really worth it?
Love is all about respect and trust; and no one should compromise on it. Many times we encounter situations in our relationships when we tend to ignore things to avoid fights and arguments.
But things get murkier when our partner starts equating unconditional love as a ticket to disrespect us or treat us badly.
Like me, if you have been letting your partner or your family do it to you or you are tolerating the abuse and ill-treatment, you should better ask yourself: “do I really deserve it?”
Ask yourself, “If it’s really worth it?”
Ask yourself, “You may be tolerating it for love, but is it any close to love?”
Doesn’t matter what society tells us or what stupid Bollywood movies teach us, loving someone should never give them the right to mistreat you.
It doesn’t mean that you let someone dominate you all the time. It doesn’t mean that you let the other person manipulate you to do things that you don’t want to do.
Here are 2 cents for you my husband, who thinks me loving him unconditionally gives him the right to insult me:
Love is a healthy bond between two individuals who treat each other with the utmost respect and dignity. But, if our relationship lacks the basics, it’s better to fix it rather than ignore it any further. I can’t and won’t tolerate any disrespect just because I love you!
I am tired of being the bigger person in the relationship and letting go of the abusive behaviors of you and your family in name of love. Many times I have ignored your abusive arguments just because I wanted to have a peaceful and loving married life.
I have forgotten things too soon to let go for the sake of our relationship. But not anymore.
Stop using the card of unconditional love to hurt my feelings. As I am starting to stand for myself; I want you to know that love isn’t a license to break me and my self-respect.
I am your wife; not your doormat!