Heart-touching letter by a wife to a husband who has left her feeling lonely. Through this letter, this wife addresses not only her husband but also many other husbands who gang up against their wives and leave them feeling lonely!
“Why are you crying? You will get a new family who will love you as much as we do! You will be loved so much that you will never ever miss us.” My mother told me during my Bidaai!
But, hardly she or I knew that my life was going to be so much different after marriage. That I will yearn for the things that I never thought I will. That I will yearn for love, respect, and most importantly, the feeling of belongingness! While there were multiple occasions when my in-laws made me feel as if I was an outsider, but honestly it never hurt me as much as when my husband made me feel so!
When my husband ganged up against me just to please his parents or to show me how he and his family was better than me or my family.
I do understand that every family has its traditions and rituals. But what I don’t understand is the fact that why only we expect women to adjust to these rituals. Why only women have to adjust to everything; at every moment?
As a woman, it takes a lot of courage to leave your whole family behind to start your life with a new family in a new house! But, rather than being supportive, it broke my heart how my husband made sure that I understand my actual place in his family and life. He made sure that I understand that I have to abide by the rules of his family, And I can’t even dream of taking a stand against him and his family!
On various occasions, he made sure that I understand that I am a Bahu and I need to do what others expect of me in that house:
“Why do you want to go now? Mummy is right, meeting your college friends are just waste of time! You should stay at home! Anyhow there is so much of work at home!”
“You shouldn’t laugh so much. And, you should talk less. Didi was right that you should act like a Bahu. You are not a kid anymore. You are a daughter-in-law of this house.”
“You better watch your tone while talking to me. Mummy wasn’t entirely wrong when she said wife should soften her tone when she talks to her husband.”
“How could you plan a vacation without involving my family? I understand you want to go alone but they also need my time. And, we don’t go out alone in this family. We go together as a family doesn’t matter what the occasion is.”
But not just that! My husband, many times, would shamelessly sit with his family and make fun of how I talk or how my family does certain things.
While he may think it is funny, it is hurtful because it’s just another reminder that this place isn’t my home; it is a competition arena, where I am judged at every moment and I have to prove my worth to him and his family!
But, this isn’t just my story. If this hasn’t happened to you, you must know someone who has been made feel like an outsider; whose husband rather than supporting her, would have ganged up with his own family to make her feel less and unwanted. Here is what I want to tell my husband and to all those, who have done this to their wives:
Did your wife leave her family and life behind so that you could show her how she is less than you and your family? How everything is wrong with her? How does she need to change herself to become what you and your family desire her to be?
Did she leave her own family so that you can show her how much your family is bonded and there is no space for her!
Did she leave her home to come to a place that would never feel like home to her? Did she marry you to live under constant fear of being judged 24X7 – not only by your family but also by you?
While your family can say anything to her, she shouldn’t gather a cinch of the courage to retaliate; to speak up for herself? While she treats everyone like her family, she shouldn’t expect herself to be treated like one.
While she married hoping that you would be her soulmate –
Who will build her when she would be torn apart;
Who will love her when even she won’t like herself;
Who will catch her when she would be falling down;
Who will support her when she would be left alone;
But you did nothing but hurt her. You, along with your family, judged her, ignored her, manipulated her and most sadly, you left her alone to struggle!
Dear Husband, Your wife left her family to be yours; She left her home to build yours; She left her parents to take care of yours; And after doing so much, you still gang up against her! Probably you never deserved her!