Like many women, marriage is a word that always held a lot of importance for me. I always believed in the beautiful and magical concept of two souls dedicating themselves to each other. Two souls who promise to stand by each other, even when the whole world is against them; the two souls who promise to be together in happiness and misery.
But as they say, some concepts are beautiful in theory and heartbreaking in reality. That’s what happened to me. Rather than a partnership, my marriage turned out to be a slave–master partnership.
It is heartbreaking how in my marriage, while I was trying really hard to keep my husband happy; my husband was expecting me to sacrifice my happiness for others. While the only thing that mattered to me was my husband’s happiness, for my husband it was everyone’s happiness except me.
It took me 4 years to realize the fact that my marriage wasn’t even close to what I had hoped it to be. It took me 4 years to realize that while I focused on my husband’s happiness, for him mine wasn’t important at all.
Like many of us, I thought if I keep my husband happy then one day, he will realize my worth and accept me as his priority. But, hardly I knew in the process to keep my husband happy, I will forget myself so much. Now after 4 years of my marriage, my husband expects me to sacrifice for others because that’s what I have done in the last 4 years. Rather than valuing my sacrifice, he has accustomed himself to me putting everyone before me that he gets upset if I don’t.
If I stand for my happiness, he gets upset. If I stand for my dignity, he feels I disrespected him. If I refuse to sacrifice my happiness for him or for his family, he feels I am not being a good wife! If I indulge in self-love, he labels me as selfish.
If I have to be a good wife – I have to sacrifice my happiness; then why doesn’t he sacrifice his happiness for me and be a good husband!
I become selfish when I think of my happiness, but he is selfless even though he expects me to sacrifice my happiness for him & his family!
Is this what marriage looks like? Is this what love looks like? While some tell me that things will get better with time and some – to adjust and expect less! But, why is that just the wife need to make all the adjustments! Why we need to sacrifice so much to seek the love and respect that we deserve!
As I refuse to sacrifice myself anymore, I hope we women won’t keep burning ourselves to keep others warm. It is heartbreaking how women are raised to sacrifice themselves for others even when no one else sacrifices for them. With changing times, I hope we raise our daughters to love themselves and let them know that anyone who manipulates them to sacrifice in name of love isn’t THE ONE!
