“Beta, that is your house now. You need to adjust. It happens with every woman. With time, try to make your place in the family. It will take some time that everyone accepts you or treat like your family. You need to think about us too. We are old now and we can’t do much when you call us and cry. We feel bad and helpless. And, papa’s BP also shoots up whenever you cry. We have done all that we could do, now its your turn to act like adult and make a place in that family. Stop complaining as it is normal that is happening to you!”, my mother told me!
“Reena, you need to adjust with my parents and sisters. I can’t leave them. I can’t stand against them as they have done so much for me. They are old and at this age it is very difficult for them to change. So, its better you ignore and adjust to their customs and talks.”, my husband tells me as he dictates the terms of how to live with his family!
Suddenly, I was left with no one to support me; no one to love me. I was left alone to struggle.
What many won’t realize that the feeling of being abandoned by your own parents and husband could be the worst pain one has to go through. You become captive of your own insecurities and the loneliness shatter every thread of self-confidence that you have.
Your desire to be loved is so strong that you tend to let people treat you like a doormat. Just because you want them to accept you! You want them to treat you like a part of the family! And, I wasn’t any different.
In order to please my parents and husband, I fooled myself to believe that if I keep pleasing people, then one day I will be accepted as a part of the family. For the next 2 years, I did so. I went out of my way to please my in-laws and sisters-in-law. I made sure that no one has any complaints about me. I made sure that I prioritize their happiness and comfort over mine. I accepted that they treat me lesser than them just because they haven’t got time to know me or love me.
I agreed to give them whatever they wanted – my happiness, my time, my love, my care! But, there were times when I felt the pain of real-life torture.
It is not easy to live in a home where you are denied your place, love, and attention that you married for. But during those times, I used to call my parents and their reaction would make me feel that I had no choice but to serve my in-laws to please them to accept me, to suffer the torture. All so that one day I would be loved!
It isn’t easy to gather the courage to pour your heart out to your parents, to tell you millions of reasons why you should suffer in silence. The ones who happily kept in their home for all those years now cared more about what people will say rather than your happiness.
When you consistently beg for love and care for a long time from people who have nothing to give but just insults and taunts, there comes a moment when you realize that enough is enough. After keeping my self-respect locked in a dungeon for almost 2 years, I realized that I can’t do it anymore. I can’t feel broken, exhausted, and weak just because people around me refuse to see my worth. I can’t feel mentally and emotionally abandoned anymore.
Even though it hurt to realize that I meant nothing to anyone, what broke me was that I abandoned myself for others’ sake.
And, then the moment occurred when I decided not to depend on others for love and happiness. I decided not to beg others to give me love or happiness. I decided to stand for myself. I decided to fight for myself. I decided to refuse to bow down to anyone for anything.
As I focused on my happiness, my looks, my career, my dreams, and my desires, I started to live again. I started to live my life on my own terms with loads of self-love and self-pride.
As I gathered my own strength to stand alone, I am writing this letter for all those souls, who were abandoned by their own to suffer in silence. I am writing for those who have disowned themselves to be loved by others. I am writing this for those who were told that they need to suffer to be accepted. Believe me, the only lover you need is yourself!