Unlike many Indian mothers across the world, I may be the only mother who doesn’t want her daughters to get married. While many of our friends and family members laugh or assume that I am trying to be cool, but here’s why I don’t want you to get married:
I don’t want you to get married because marriage as an institution has failed women, especially Indian women! It has nothing great to offer to women who are strong and independent. Even in the 21st century, marriage as an institution follows the same patriarchal values that put the husband’s needs over the wife’s. It is still the institution that expects women to sacrifice their dreams and desires to please men. It is still the institution where women are expected to endlessly compromise and adjust for their husband and his family!
In the last 3 decades, things have changed a lot – women and men started holding equal education degrees, they started holding similar titles and positions at work; they started earning equally. But while the profession might be able to see them equal, marriage as an institution still doesn’t!
Marriage as an institution, still expects a woman to change her name; leave her home, adjust in the new family; be responsible for all the housekeeping, relationship-building, elderly care, and childcare. It still expects a woman to give up her job when babies are born.
Sadly, Indian women have aspirations of stepping out of home, working, and creating a name for themselves whereas men still expect them to make tea, cook food, and do their laundry! Marriage is a trap where women compromise and adjust endlessly whereas men enjoy life as usual.
Dear Daughters, I hope you are lucky to find husbands who are not only loving and caring but also respectful towards your dreams and aspirations; Someone who sees you as an equal partner. But unfortunately, if you turn out to be unlucky like millions of Indian women, then you would be insulted, criticized, blamed, and ignored; You would be treated like a punching bag or a doormat. People will tell you to adjust because that’s what all women do to make the marriage work; They will tell you to suffer in silence because that’s what every woman does!
Dear Daughters, marriages could turn out to be a prison sentence or be a key to happiness. It could either be a hell of fear or heaven of love; It could either leave you broken or give you wings to fly.
But here’s the thing: you don’t need to marry till you are sure you are with the person who will be the wind under your wings; You don’t need to marry till you are sure that the man respects you for who you are! You don’t need to marry because everyone does! You don’t need to marry because you feel you will be left alone.
Dear Daughters, marry someone who respects and desires you every day. Find someone who earns you every single day. Find someone who believes in equal relationships. Find someone who doesn’t take you for granted. And if you can’t, then don’t marry! Yes, you heard me right! Don’t marry! It’s better to be alone than being with the wrong person! It’s better to make a solo trip than being in a nasty, irritating, and degrading company that makes your trip no less than hell!
Dear Daughters, don’t get married for the sake of marriage! Marry for love, care and affection!