Doesn’t matter how much a woman achieves in her life, the one thing that labels her as a failure forever is one word – Divorce. Not only the society but also her parents see her as a failure if she ever gathers the courage to ask for a divorce. The parents, who were once proud of their daughter for scaling heights in her career, lose their confidence in her intelligence. They label her as someone who is unfit to make a life decision and try to convince her through facts and emotions to stay in her marriage.
“I heard about Neena and her husband are separating! What happened?” My mother’s friend faked concern to comfort her ears with some hot gossip!
“What should I tell you Raj! She is again making a mistake!”
My mother quest to blame me for my divorce continued as she further added:
“Do you remember, my husband and I was never in favor of Nishant when Neena told us she wanted to marry him. Though Nishant was well educated, but we had a very good rishta ready for Neena. The boy was a Senior manager in a reputed firm and his father was an established businessman in the community. But, Neena wanted to marry Nishant as she told us she was in love. Though we knew it was mistake but she never listened to us! And, now look what happened. After 10 years of staying together, she wants to leave him!”
“But, what happened? Does he have an affair? Does he hit her?” my mother’s friend trying very hard to find some hot crisp gossip!
“No, Raj! He never cheated on Neena! Neither he hit her! Whenever we met them, we thought they were happy. Now suddenly she feels that they need to separate because they want different things in life!” my mother shakes her head in complete disapproval.
But, what she said next broke my heart. I could hear her very clearly from my bedroom.
“Neena has history of making mistakes. She was a good student, she should have studied engineering. Rather, she wanted to be an artist. Then she went against her father’s will to marry Nishant. And now after 10 years of being together, she wants to separate from him!”, my mother re-collected all things from my past that I did against society’s will to label me as a failure.
This broke me. At that moment when my mother was busy labeling me as a failure, she forgot how her daughter managed to pull off a moderately successful business on her own; How I managed to buy a house for myself; How I was awarded a series of awards that label me as a success in my professional stint. But,apparently, my success in my professional life didn’t matter anymore. What only mattered was my divorce!
I told my parents that Nishant and I weren’t happy together believing that unhappy marriage is a good enough reason to get separated. But, apparently not in the eyes of society. Society gives women the right to ask for divorce either when her husband cheats on her with another partner or her husband beats her up!
My parents blinded themselves to my pain of bidding goodbye to my marriage. While I wanted my parents to stand by me without any judgment, they couldn’t help scrutinizing my decision. I wanted them to trust their daughter and stand by her as she sails through one of the most difficult storms of her life.
There was no comfort left between me and Nishant. With all the stress and loneliness that I was carrying in my heart, I wanted to sort things out. But it was too late. And, with every passing day, we were leaving each other bitter.
I only wanted my parents to respect my decision. I only wanted them to stand by their daughter in her quest to build a happy life. But, I was so wrong.
Now as I step out of my parents’ home to live life on my own, I want every parent to know:
Dear Parents, if your daughter is fighting for divorce, then please don’t judge her. Please stop assessing her decision with your tainted glasses. Because you don’t even know half of the pain she is holding in her heart. How many sleepless anxious nights she has gone through to make this decision; How much she suffered before making this decision; How much courage she gathered to find no other way to save herself, other than divorce!
She doesn’t want your judgments, your insults, your pity. She just wants your support, love, and care. Please remember, a divorced daughter is better than a dead daughter!