These news age moms are breaking all society’s misconceptions about motherhood. And that too with style! Whether it’s about deciding to become a mother at the age of their choosing, or speaking up about postpartum depression, these moms are driving the change.
Our society keeps telling women to have kids as soon as possible otherwise we will run out of time. Many times, even when a woman doesn’t feel ready to be a mom, she succumbs to societal pressure because it is better to have it now than never.
Though we completely understand that there is an age when our body might be in a better state than any other time to handle the physical stress of motherhood, what we forget is that motherhood isn’t just about physical fitness. It is also about mental readiness as well as financial conditions. This ensures motherhood is healthy, happy, and stress-free for women.
In her interview with Mumbai Mirror, she shared a valuable motherhood insight regarding encouraging woman to be a mother as per their own will:
“I think having a baby is a very significant step in life, and like marriage, you should think it through carefully before committing to it. Have children when you are ready to welcome them and can raise them happily and responsibly, not when society says you must.”
Anita and Rohit, who got married in 2013 in Goa, started thinking of going the family way only after they participated in the reality show, ‘Nach Baliye‘ last year. While sharing her story, she mentioned,
“We had never felt the pressure to start a family from either of our families. However, after ‘Nach Baliye’, we felt that we were ready to embrace parenthood. With the lockdown, the timing seemed perfect. We got to spend a lot of time with each other and decided to go for it. At the end of the day, it’s God’s plan and Rohit and I can’t be more excited about it.”
While further adding how she felt about conceiving at age of 39, she mentioned:
“The age-factor did play on my mind. Many people told me that it’s going to be tough, it overwhelms you. But once I conceived naturally, I realised that age is just a number. You need to be mentally and physically fit for everything to fall in place. Jo naseeb mein likha hota hai, woh toh hota hi hai.”
She also talked about how, she and Rohit decided to have a baby when the two were ready, and not when society ‘expected’ them to have a child.
“Today, Rohit and I feel well-settled — we are financially and mentally in a place where we are ready to have a child.”
Recently, Mona Singh spoke about how she married Shyam Gopalan at the age of 39 but she had frozen her eggs at 34 to get rid of the pressure of becoming a mom!
“I have frozen my eggs and now I am free. I did that at the age of 34. Because I have gotten married now (at 39), I want to chill with my partner and travel the world with him. I haven’t done that yet. I have always travelled with my family or friends. I want to do that with my husband now and it is a different feeling now — going for walks, getting all the attention, keeping Karwa Chauth vrat – all this is so nice. Even though I love kids, if you ask me now, I am not mentally prepared to have one. Later in life, I would definitely think about it,”
While Gul, Anita, and Mona might have shattered the social norm of following society’s age of becoming a mother, Sameera Reddy and Isha Deol shared how post-partum depression struggle is real!
With very little awareness about postpartum depression, thousands of new moms are struggling with it on a daily basis. Scared of what people & society will think, many moms choose to suffer in silence. But some brave new moms like Sameera Reddy and Isha Deol spoke about the ‘unspeakable’ topic of postpartum depression to help drive the conversation.
“When I had Radhya, there was no postpartum depression, nothing. People used to look at me and ask ‘Tu theek hai na?’ And I used to wonder why are they asking like this, I mean yeah main theek hoon. But after my second delivery, I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t experience so I didn’t know. And right after delivery, I didn’t know what was going on as I was in a room filled with people and suddenly, I felt like crying. I sat quietly and very dull, low. And I have given birth to a beautiful baby girl again and it’s a very happy moment in my life and I didn’t know what’s going on.”
Further revealing how Hemaji noticed the change in her mood which was followed by a treatment to make her better, Esha Deol elaborated,
“Then my mom noticed me being a little off. So, she was like what’s up with you and I think you’re going through this. So, I was very lucky and fortunate to have my mother to notice this in me because at that stage we are very vulnerable as we have just delivered and all. She said, no get your blood test done and it’s your hormones are going for a toss and nothing else. And I did that and I realized that my progesterone was not to a good level etc. I treated myself with the right vitamins and everything and within a month I was back to my solid self. Touchwood.”
“When suffering from PPD, a mother could feel like crying all the time, unhappy, guilty for not being joyful, complaining, frustrated, dejected, feel like a failure, & feel as though this is the end of life as she knows it.
What you SHOULDN’T do or say?: “You’re not the only one who’s become a mother”,“Try to be happy”,“The LO needs you”,“I’m doing everything I can” ,“You’re being selfish” ,“Don’t cry, it’ll affect the milk”
What you CAN say though?: “I love you”, “You’re doing very well”, “Tell me how I can help”, “We’re a team”
“I think the first step to pulling yourself out, is to admit that there is a problem. As an actor, I was used to being in the limelight, staying svelte and slim, having a melee of people – spot boy, make-up artiste -around me. Suddenly I was out of shape, feeling exhausted and low. I’m a cheerful person otherwise.”
She further adds:
“There is a big difference between baby blues and postpartum depression. I sought help in therapy, took homeopathy treatment and worked on myself. Cut to the present, the ease with which I confess to having experienced depression surprises many people as most are uncomfortable even admitting that they have experienced it. This needs to change.”
“I touched 102 Kgs in May 2015, the month Hans was born and I’m not scared to admit it. It took me to the deepest darkest places in my head. My confidence shattered.”
“And I couldn’t lose the weight for a year after because I was too scared to even step out. I disappeared because I didn’t have the strength to be judged by the world after all the years of being glam and fit on screen. But the beautiful part is that you can only hit your lowest low to know you can absolutely climb out of that hole. It’s a fight. A hard one.”
She also said,
“Took me 2 years more to lose the weight and to step out and face the world again but I wish I had the courage then.”
Neha Dhupia shared how she was body-shamed for her pregnancy weight and expect society to be a bit kinder towards new moms:
“Trolls don’t bother me but when a woman body-shames anyone, I make sure to shut them up. Yes, I was once body-shamed by a female journalist and at that time, I made sure to shut her up too. I do want to address this as a larger problem because fat-shaming needs to stop for everyone, not just celebrities. As a new mom, I want to be fit, healthy, and energetic for my daughter. So, I work out every day, sometimes twice a day because for me…
Fitness is a priority and not fitting into’ society’s standards regarding looks. And I hope in the future people are kinder to each other while making such vapid and vile comments.”
At IFORHER we are in awe of these new-age moms, who are shattering misconceptions about motherhood and paving their own path. Kudos to these women for being real and honest about motherhood and pregnancy, because just like no two women are the same, no two pregnancies are the same.