It is quite disgusting how even in the 21st century, married women are expected to take permission from husbands and in-laws for everything that they do. Be it about taking care of their own parents or a career decision, it is sad how married women are only allowed to make their life decisions post their husbands’ and in-laws’ permission.
Recently, we stumbled over one such heartbreaking post by a desi married woman. This post struck chords with several married women across the country and went viral in no time. Neeru Nagarajan, a social media user, took to her account and elaborated on how she had to seek permission for the smallest things from her former in-laws in her previous marriage. She wrote how it has contributed to her anxiety.
Sometimes I think about my previous marriage and the smallest things that used to give me anxiety. “My cousin’s visiting the US, can I go meet her?” “A family member’s getting married, would you come to the wedding?” Everything involved ego-stroking, begging, pleading.
— Neeru Nagarajan (@poonaikaari) June 15, 2022
Too many Indian men and their families like to make all these tiny things a matter of pride. There’s nothing to be proud of if you’re controlling a person and stressing them out over inconsequential things.
— Neeru Nagarajan (@poonaikaari) June 15, 2022
Too many Indian men and their families like to make all these tiny things a matter of pride. There’s nothing to be proud of if you’re controlling a person and stressing them out over inconsequential things.
— Neeru Nagarajan (@poonaikaari) June 15, 2022
This post resonated with several desi married women. There were a number of women who agreed with her sentiment.
Many women also came forward to share how their in-laws left no stone unturned in controlling their lives. Here’s what they had to say:
Tell me about it. It used to take me two days and sleepless nights to get the courage to ask MIL if I could visit my family. Now I look back and think why did I do that but I was very young at the time. Now I am an angry auntyjee so nobody dares say anything
— Alia Waheed (@AliaWaheed) June 17, 2022
The ‘regrets’ of those initial days adjustments, just because you’re a nice person, never go away. Because once you realise it was all in vain, its yourself you get angry with. “why did I let that happen to me? ” is a very tough question to answer.
— Ravia (@Quaintrelle21) June 17, 2022
Yes. This common practice in India to control a daughter in law. I was not allowed to meet my friends or Sister living near my home.
— Pratibha Singh (@Pratibha24singh) June 18, 2022
My father in law said, “Shadi k baad friendship nahi hoti hai”.
I got regularly beaten up coz I stood in the common balcony, coz my male friends came to visit me when I went to home, coz his friends praised me for my cooking and so on & so forth…the list is long. Then I left him & my mom said it’s my destiny n blamed me for leaving him.🤯
— Seema Namboodiri (@SeemaNamboodir1) June 19, 2022
I’ve faced so much trauma and gaslighting that I didn’t even know that was what was happening, until I messed up every subsequent relationship.
— punam mohandas (@PunamMohandas) June 17, 2022
Of course, that also made me choose the wrong relationships😑
Honestly, I am newly married, living in the year 2022 and yet nothing has changed. No matter how many experiences we share. It’s just disappointing to know nothing’s changed so far.
— Vibhuti M Khurana (@Vibh_m) June 20, 2022
Mannn i even do this at my workplace. I always sound like asking for their permission rather than informing of things i have valid reason for. Trauma response or just insecurities?
— chaiparathaaa (@chaiparathaaa) June 17, 2022
It’s so normal in Desi families.joint family main TU multiple level of permissions.miyaan saas susar and then on day of event agar choti nand ka mood kharab hai ya uski freinds aa rehi Hain TU aap nahi ja saktay
— Attiya Akram (@akram_attiya) June 16, 2022
The woman gets married and uprooted from her home after 20-30 years. She is expected to immediately start loving / respecting her in-laws while constantly being criticized for every single thing she does. Life of a woman staying with in-laws is hell. Yet the cycle continues
— Soumendu Gangopadhyay (@rangermax2002) June 20, 2022
Glad it’s a previous marriage now
— Zeenia Shaukat (@Zeeniashaukat) June 16, 2022
Isn’t it heartbreaking? Tell your thoughts in the comments below.