“Your Daughter got divorced. How could you be so happy? It’s a tragedy. Rather you are celebrating like it’s a matter to happiness. You should be worried about how you failed as a parent. Girls from good houses adapt and adjust. They don’t get divorced. They work on their marriage and make it successful! Have you ever wondered what people will say about your family now? Have you wondered how other men will see your daughter now?”, my sister-in-law told me as I was extremely happy that my daughter, after struggling in a toxic marriage for 3 years, finally got the courage to move out. I was happy that she finally realized she wasn’t worthless as her husband and in-laws made her believe to.
I was so proud of her that without being worried about what people will say, what her friends will say, what her colleagues will say, she showed the courage to do what many strong and independent women are unable to do!
They suffer, they cry, they break and unfortunately spend their whole life with men, who never understand their worth! So yes, I was happy that my daughter chose not to be one of those unfortunate women – who succumb to the pressure of society and spend their whole life paying for the mistake of being married to the wrong men! The day she told us she wants to move out of marriage, I didn’t think what people will say; how people will blame me or my husband for raising a daughter who can’t adjust; I didn’t think that my daughter should give another try and adjust. Rather, I felt relieved.
I felt light that my daughter will not send me those unhappy and disheartened WhatsApp messages about her husband making her feel worthless; I was happy that my daughter could fly as high she wants – because she won’t be chained to an abusive marriage!
It is sad how our society shames women and their parents for raising strong and independent daughters, who refuse to suffer in a toxic marriage. Though no one questions the abusive husband or in-laws for being toxic, everyone blames women!
When our daughters struggle in a toxic marriage, our society tells our daughters – “Why do you ignore their words? Why do you react to their toxic words? Why don’t you just let it go? Why don’t you adjust a bit? This happens in all the marriages – why don’t you compromise a bit?
But it never questions men and their parents. It never tells them – Why do you treat your wife so badly? Why don’t you learn how to treat your wife as a human? Why don’t you learn some sanskaars to treat your wife with the dignity and respect that she deserves?
While people were quick to shame me and my daughter for being happy; while people were quick to label my husband and me as failed parents; they have no guts to question my son-in-law and his family for treating my daughter worse than an animal! So, here’s what I want to tell parents, whose daughters struggle in an abusive marriage:
Dear Parents, if your daughter wants to move out of toxic marriage, don’t think about society. Because society doesn’t feel a cinch of pain what you and your daughter went through! Don’t care about what label society will give you because you had the courage to take a stand for your daughter, while coward society expected your daughter to suffer! While we give birth to our daughters, don’t let shameless patriarchal society decide their destiny. While society expects us to keep our daughters chained in their abusive marriage, we should let them fly – fly as high as they can! We are not their chains, we are the wind under their wings!
And yes, I will celebrate my daughter’s divorce. Because a divorced daughter isn’t a tragedy; letting a daughter suffer life-long in an abusive marriage is!