“Sneha, marriage means compromises, adjustments, and sacrifices. If you keep complaining about how unhappy you are in this marriage, how will it work? You need to reduce your expectations. We are not boyfriend/ girlfriend anymore! We are husband and wife!”, my husband tells me as I complain about how he spends hardly any time with me, and whenever he does he shares how I need to be better at sacrificing my dreams, my emotions, my desires so that I can serve him and his parents better!
“Karan, our marriage is all about compromises, adjustments, and sacrifices. But, have you ever wondered how marriage could be about love, companionship, and happiness. I never knew that marriage would kill the love we had in college! Do you remember how we would make sure to spend time with each other; how we would take a stand for each other against the world; how we would make efforts to make each other smile! And, my expectation was that our marriage will strengthen our bond and feelings for each other!
Hardly I knew you would be expecting me to kill my emotions every day to make this marriage work!”, I couldn’t contain my tears anymore as I knew I was unhappy in this marriage and love of my life who once could do anything to make me happy was unable to understand my pain!
But, my husband wasn’t the only one who told me to kill my emotions.
Even my own parents believed that to make this marriage work, I need to compromise and adjust at every step of life. Frankly, I am fine to make some compromises but I am not fine being the only one to do so, and that too for the sake of other’s happiness.
Shouldn’t marriage be more about love and affection and less about compromises and adjustment!
Shouldn’t marriage be more about happiness and equality and less about disappointments!
Shouldn’t marriage be about keeping our partners happy rather than asking them to kill their emotions every day!
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Unlike many other women, I refuse to kill my emotions every day to make the marriage work!
I married because I wanted to be happy. Now people telling me to compromise on my happiness – the very thing that was the basis of my decision to get married in the first place! I married so that I don’t feel lonely, and now people are telling me to accept loneliness in marriage as the new normal! There are days when I wonder why are we made to believe that it is okay to kill our emotions every day for the sake of marriage!
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I refused to let my marriage become a trap where I kept compromising for the sake of staying married. So, I told Karan very clearly that I won’t live my life being lifeless. I won’t live a life devoid of love, respect, dignity, and happiness. And if he isn’t ready to work on our marriage, it would be a huge problem!
Realizing my determination to make our marriage a happy one, Karan agreed to work on it. We agreed to work on our communication, conflict management, expectations management, and much more! With every attempt, we are turning our sad and disappointing marriage into a happy and exciting marriage!
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Dear Women, Don’t let anyone tell you to sacrifice and compromise for the sake of marriage. It is heartbreaking how even in the 21st century, women are told to carry the burden of endless compromises and sacrifices in marriage. We are told to make endless adjustments without a single complaint to make the marriage work! This needs to stop!
Women need to speak up! Because marriage should be about happiness; not an excuse to trap women in a cycle of endless sacrifices and compromises for others’ happiness!
