“Riya, I am sorry for not being able to come with you to your parents’ wedding anniversary party. I know you were waiting from a long time. But, this urgent meeting has come up! And, I won’t be able to come! I am so sorry!”
“Arrey Beta, why you are saying sorry to her! Men don’t say sorry to their wives! You don’t have to apologize. Riya is your wife. She has to understand that your work is important and you can’t make yourself available for her!”
On a separate incident:
“Rohit, you don’t need to be rude to me. If you are stressed that doesn’t mean you can say anything to me! I understand you are stressed, but you can’t say mean things to me just because you are feeling tired!”
“I am sorry, Riya. You are right. I didn’t mean to be rude!”
“Rohit, stop saying sorry to her. How many times, I have told you that you need to stop saying sorry to your wife. What will people say! Riya, why do you keep controlling him so much? You make him apologize for everything. Men don’t apologize to their wives. Wives need to understand and adjust!”
My husband and I have a very healthy relationship. We don’t shy away from accepting our mistakes. We don’t shy away from sharing things that bother us. We don’t bottle up our feelings and we don’t let each other to treat the other person as a doormat or punching bag!
But apparently, my mother-in-law doesn’t like our relationship even one bit. Just because her son is loving and caring towards me, she feels he is Joru ka Ghulam; he is under my control; he is not a strong husband!
Hence, from time to time, without any shame, she pokes her nose in our personal matter. She feels it is her duty to make her son a ‘real and a strong husband’! Yes, a real & a strong husband! As per her, a husband who doesn’t listen to his wife, a husband who treats his wife as an outsider, a husband who treats his wife badly and does not need to apologize to her – is the real husband! (Also Read: Dear Society, Stop Shaming Supportive Husbands By Calling Them Joru Ka Ghulam, They Are Equality Ka Badshah)
It is sad how being a woman herself, she feels a real husband is one who ill-treats his wife! Rather than being proud of her son for being such a great human and a wonderful husband, she keeps taunting him as being controlled by his wife!
Though my husband doesn’t get bothered by it! But, it breaks my heart how being a woman herself, my mother-in-law feels it is not right to treat your wife with love, respect and care. Women like mother-in-law fail every other member of their tribe, when they become a flag bearer of patriarchy. (Also Read: Dear Mother-in-law, By Shaming Me You’re Not Only Failing Me But Every Women Of Our Society)
While she may have issue her son apologizing to his wife, she has no qualms in asking me to apologize even when it isn’t my fault. “You won’t become small if you will apologize” is what she tells me when she asks me to apologize even when it isn’t my fault.
I wish I could tell my mother-in-law, that just to please her shallow ego, just to pull down her daughter-in-law, she is betraying her own community!
She is betraying every woman, who is being abused by her husband! She is betraying every woman, who wants to be treated with respect! She is betraying every woman who came before her, to fight for women rights! In real sense, she is betraying her own self! (Also Read: 7 Movie Characters Who’ve Broken Stereotypes About Men & Showed Who Real Men Are)
Dear Mother-in-law, stop failing us! You can do so much better for yourself, for me and for many other women! Please get well soon!