“Megha, why do you keep fighting with my parents. What do you want? Do you want me to send them to an old-age home? See, if you can’t adjust with them then better you go to your parents’ home because you clearly don’t understand the value of my parents!”
“Rohit, it isn’t about understanding the value of your parents. I respect them for how they have raised you, but I can’t accept their emotional and mental abuse. They keep saying hurtful things to me; they keep telling me that I am not good enough to be your wife or their daughter-in-law! And, sadly, you hear all such stuff and still blame me for answering back!”
Megha was right. I knew all the things that my parents said to Megha. And don’t get me wrong. My parents are extremely lovely people but I couldn’t deny how they treated Megha was really unfair. In the beginning, I tried a lot to change my parents. I tried to make efforts to tell them why they shouldn’t say such things to Megha! I asked them why are they so rude to her? But, every time I tried to stand for what was right, my parents thought I had changed. My parents thought I betrayed them as their son and now I was just committed to my wife.
With passing time, I refused to get involved in this lose-lose game. I knew my parents won’t change and if I tell them not to say toxic things to Megha, they will blame me for failing as a son. So, rather than standing for Megha, I chose to stay silent; I chose not to get involved in this family drama.
But, with time, Megha got tired of my parents’ toxic behaviour. Rather than asking me to take a stand for herself, she started taking a stand for herself. She must have realized how I was disinterested in taking a stand for her; How I was making every attempt to avoid the conflicts with my parents!
As Megha started giving replies to my parents, my parents’ complaints started pouring in. And, assuming Megha would understand my point, I started asking Megha to ignore things; to let go of things!
I even told her that if she won’t stop answering back my parents, it would affect our marriage! I told her to stop making things more complicated; I told her to be more mature and don’t react to my parents’ ill-treatment.
ALSO READ: Dear Men, Standing Against Your Parents’ Abusive Behaviour Doesn’t Make Wife IMMATURE!
It took me 2 years to realize that I may keep blaming my wife for making things complicated; I may keep blaming her for breaking our marriage; In reality, it was never her fault; It was always mine.
Dear Men, Please don’t shy away from taking a stand against toxicity; Even if it means taking a stand against your own parents; Keep trying and don’t give up on changing your parents for the better! Because if you can’t become a supportive husband, it is unfair to expect your wife to become a good daughter-in-law! First, become a good husband, create a healthy living environment for your wife and then expect her to take care of your family. You can’t keep expecting from your wife without giving her the love and respect she deserves!
