Best Dad Jokes That Are Funny: Elevate your mood with the funniest dad jokes ever. Get ready to chuckle and brighten your day!
Prepare for some good old-fashioned fun with our collection of funny dad jokes! These simple and silly quips are designed to make you smile, no matter how your day is going. Dad jokes are known for their straightforward humor, and that’s why people enjoy them so much. They’re like a quick pick-me-up for your mood, whether you’re sharing a laugh with family or having a moment of humor all to yourself. So, get ready to chuckle and maybe even groan a bit as you explore our selection of the best dad jokes. Laughter is guaranteed, so let’s dive in and have some lighthearted fun!
Did you hear about the actor who broke his leg onstage? He’s still in the cast.
Why did the pharmacist walk on her tiptoes? She didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
I wanted to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You’re under a vest.
Why did the lobster blush? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
Want to know why nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.
What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator.
My girlfriend keeps accusing me of cheating. She’s starting to sound like my wife.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out.
What’s the most detail-oriented ocean? The Pacific.
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden, but how am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
I don’t trust stairs. They are always up to something.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?” I burst into tears—11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
When does a joke become a “dad joke”? When it becomes apparent.
What invention allows us to see through walls? Windows.
I know a bunch of good jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over people’s heads.
The bank keeps calling me to give me compliments. They say I have an “outstanding balance.”
What’s a vampire’s favorite ship? A blood vessel.
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
I had a date last night and it was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll have a fig.
Funny Dad Jokes
Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim? Alphawetical.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.
Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
6/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, but what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European.
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.
It takes guts to be an organ donor.
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.
What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach…”
What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?”
What do you need to make a small fortune on Wall Street? A large fortune.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
Teacher: “There are two words I don’t allow in my class. One is gross, and the other is cool.” Johnny: “So, what are the words?”
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What does “idk” stand for? Everyone I ask says, “I don’t know.”
Why was the pig covered in ink? Because it lived in a pen.
Did you hear about the guy who stole 50 cartons of hand sanitizer? They couldn’t prosecute—his hands were clean.
Why was the rookie police officer assigned to hunt the cannibal? The more seasoned officers had already been eaten.
What do you call a snitching scientist? A lab rat.
What did the skeleton order with its beer? A mop.
How much do I love crunchy tacos? From my head tomatoes.
Bad Dad Jokes
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
Justice is a dish best-served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just-water.
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because its mother was in a jam.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.
Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.
What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A Lamborghini.
What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.
What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
If you see a burglary at an Apple store, you become an iWitness.
If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there are pancakes.
What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
My IQ test results came back. They were negative.
My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean.
My wife is really mad that I have no sense of direction. I packed up my stuff and right.
What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? Does this taste funny to you?
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
Can February March? No, but April May.
My friend wants to become an archaeologist, but I’m trying to put him off. I’m convinced his life will be in ruins.
It hurts me to say this, but I have a sore throat.
I know a surgeon who puts organs back in upside down. I told him that’s not funny, but he said it was an inside joke.
Corny Dad Jokes
If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Why do dads feel the need to tell such bad jokes? They just want to help you become a groan up.
I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.
Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
What do you call spiders who just got married? Newly-webs.
RIP boiled water—you will be mist.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A bed.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out standing in his field.
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
My son asked me to put his shoes on, but I don’t think they’ll fit me.
What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing—they fast.
I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
People are usually shocked that I have a Police record. But I love their greatest hits!
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Why did the envelope take so long to get ready? It had to get addressed.
What did the dad say when his golden retriever was caught eating a hot dog? “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there.”
Do mascara and lipstick ever argue? Sure, but then they makeup.
Why did two tall people get along so well? They could really see eye to eye.
What does a writer have in common with a football player? Anxiety over a rough draft.
“I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.”
“Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?” “In case they get a hole in one!”
“I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.”
“What do you call a factory that makes okay products?” “A satisfactory.”
“Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.”
“What did one wall say to the other?” “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
“What did the zero say to the eight?” “That belt looks good on you.”
“Where do fruits go on vacation?” “Pear-is!”
“Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!”
Son: Dad, I’m hungry. Dad: Hi hungry, I’m Dad.
“What do you call a poor Santa Claus?” “St. Nickel-less.”
“This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.”
“How do you make 7 even?” “Take away the s.”
“I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.”
“Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!”
“Knock, knock.”“Who’s there?”“Nobel.”“Nobel who?”“Nobel, so I just knocked.”
I searched for a lighter on Amazon, but all I could find were 6,000 matches.
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
Police arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states: solid, liquid, and gas.
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it’s full of blades.
I made a whopping six figures last year. I also was fired from the toy factory for being too slow.
Hilarious Dad Jokes
Why did the physicist and the biologist break up? Because they had no chemistry.
What did the dishwasher say to the oven after a productive day? “You’ve been on fire!”
Why was the ghost so tired? He worked the graveyard shift.
Why do pancakes always win at baseball? They have the best batter.
Why couldn’t the bike stand up on its own? Because it was too tired.
Why was the cow such a heartthrob on the farm? He was a s-moo-th talker.
What’s it called when kittens get stuck in a tree? A cat-astrophe.
What did the baker say when she won an award? “It was a piece of cake.”
Why did police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.
Why was the hockey player gifted a new cap? He was known for his hat tricks.
What vegetable is kind to everyone? The sweet potato.
What animals are the best to call if you get locked out of your house? Monkeys.
What did the geometry teacher say when the class had trouble solving a problem? “Let’s try a different angle.”
Why couldn’t the family leave the room after playing with Legos? They were blocked.
What makes a basketball court trendy and accessorized? The hoops.
What did the sapphire’s best friend tell her? “You’re a real gem.”
Dad Jokes for Work
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
Why was the traffic light late to work? It took too long to change.
Why didn’t the sun go to college? It already had a million degrees.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He’s at the hospital waiting to be seen.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
What do lawyers wear to work? Law suits.
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
Why did the computer catch cold? It left a window open.
What do computers eat for a snack? Microchips.
Why did the computer go to bed? It needed to crash.
Why did the employee get fired from the keyboard factory? He wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
How do trees get on the internet? They log in.
What kind of bird works on a construction site? A crane.
How much money does a skunk have? Only one scent.
What does a painter do when he gets cold? Puts on another coat.
How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
Why did the tailor get fired? He wasn’t a good fit.
When does Friday come before Thursday? In the dictionary.
Best One-Liner Dad Jokes
“I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.”
“When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?”
“Do you wanna box for your leftovers?” “No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”
“Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them.”
“What country’s capital is growing the fastest?” “Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.”
“I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea.”
“Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They’re making headlines.”
“I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn’t concentrate.”
“Have you ever tried to catch a fog? I tried yesterday but I mist.”
“I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”
“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”
“Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.”
“Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the ‘P’ is silent.”
“What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.”
“What’s the best smelling insect?” “A deodor-ant.”
“I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.”
“Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!”
Best Dad Jokes Puns
“What do you call a belt made of watches?” “A waist of time.”
“What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street?” “Traffic jam.”
“What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?” “Prime mates.”
“What do you call a pony with a sore throat?” “A little hoarse.”
“Where do math teachers go on vacation?” “Times Square.”
“What does garlic do when it gets hot?” “It takes its cloves off.”
“What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.”
“What did the coffee report to the police? A mugging.”
“What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam.”
What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
Where does a sheep go to get a haircut? The baa baa shop.
What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bed time.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby.
Where did the cat go after losing its tail? The retail store.
Why did the picture go to jail? He was framed.
What is a calendar’s favorite food? Dates.
Why was the football stadium cold? There were too many fans.
Why did the phone wear glasses? Because it lost all its contacts.
Best Dad Jokes for Adults
Why did the poodle buy a clock? It wanted to be a watch dog.
Why do birds fly south? Because it’s too far to walk.
Why did the thief take a shower before robbing the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What do you call someone who can’t stick to a diet? A desserter.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
I haven’t talked to my wife in a week — I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.
What do computers eat for a snack? Microchips.
How do frogs invest their money? They use a stock croaker.
Did you hear about the whale that swallowed a clown? It felt funny after.
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Best Dad Jokes for Kids
What do you call a shoe made out of a banana? A slipper.
Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the dock.
Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sundae school.
What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw-berries
Where do burgers go dancing? At the meatball.
Why was the broom late? It over-swept.
What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
Where do books hide when they’re afraid? Under their covers.
What did the calculator say to the pencil? You can count on me.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado.
What happens when ice cream gets angry? It has a meltdown.
Why did the snowman buy a bag of carrots? He wanted to pick his nose.
What did one leaf say to the other? I’m falling for you.
Where do elephants store luggage? In a trunk.
Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
What do you call a fish wearing a bow tie? Sofishticated.
Why didn’t the skeleton go on the rollercoaster? It didn’t have the guts.
Why did the birds attack the dog? He was pure bread.
Dumb Dad Jokes
What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
How can a leopard change his spots? By moving.
My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
How do trees get online? They just log on.
Air used to be free at the gas station. Now it’s $1.50. Do you know why? Inflation.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
Short One Liners
RIP boiling water, you will be mist.
I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it’s more of a wrap.
I’m afraid of speed bumps, but I am slowly getting over it.
Some people think prison is one word, but to robbers, it’s the whole sentence.
Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!
I poured root beer into a square glass. Now I just have a beer.
I had a dream about being a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
Talk is cheap until you talk to a lawyer.
Cheesy Dad Joke Puns
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
How do you organize a space party? You planet..
What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable.
What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
What is a funny mountain called? Hill-arious.
Best I Have A Joke About Dad Jokes
I have a joke about putting in a light bulb, but I’m afraid I’ll screw it up.
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it’ll get a reaction.
I have a joke about banking, but I lost interest.
I have a joke about cows, but I don’t want to milk it.
I have a joke about kites, but it would just sail over your head.
I have a scary joke about math, but I’m 2² to say it.
I have a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
I have a joke about time travel, but you guys didn’t get it.
I have a joke about a broken pencil, but it’s pointless.
I have a joke about the flu, but I hope you don’t get it.
I have a joke about statistics, but it’s not significant.
I have a joke about pizza, but it’s too cheesy.
I have a joke about immortality, and it never gets old.
I have a joke about paper, but it’s tearable.
I have a joke about drilling, but it’s boring.
I had a joke about canned juice, but I couldn’t concentrate.
I had a joke about retired people, but none of them work.
I have a joke about a broken clock, but it’s not the right time.
I have a joke about nepotism, but I’ll only give it to my kids.
I have a joke about butter, but I’m not going to spread it.
I have a joke about a roof, but it would just go over your head.
I have a joke about inferiority complexes, but it’s not very good.
I have a joke about procrastination, but I’ll tell it to you later.
Best “To The Person Who Stole My…” Dad Jokes
To the person who stole my glasses: I will find you. I have contacts.
To the person who stole my place in line: I’m after you now.
To the person who stole my dictionary: I have no words.
To the person who stole my bed: I won’t rest until I find you.
To the person who stole my depression medication: I hope you’re happy now.
To the person who stole my case of energy drinks: I hope you can’t sleep at night.
In a world that often feels too serious, funny dad jokes offer a refreshing and simple source of laughter. They remind us that humor can be found in the every day, in the puns and wordplay that bring smiles to our faces. Whether you’re sharing these jokes with your family, and friends, or just enjoying a moment of humor on your own, they are a reminder that sometimes, the best way to lighten the mood is with a good, old-fashioned dad joke. So, go ahead, share a laugh, and remember that a little laughter goes a long way in brightening your day.
We hope our collection of ‘funny dad jokes’ has brought some joy and laughter into your life. Keep these gems in your back pocket for when you need a quick dose of humor, and remember that there’s always room for a good dad joke to make you smile. Laughter is a universal language, and dad jokes are here to ensure that no matter what life throws your way, you’ll always have a reason to laugh. So, go forth with a lighter heart and a smile on your face, and remember, there’s no problem too big that a dad joke can’t make a little better!