Best Dark Humor Jokes: These Dark Jokes have no limits and boundaries. And, hence, it is best if you keep them to yourself or your close friends.
We all know Dark Humor Jokes are not everyone’s cup of tea. While some find dark jokes funny, some find them outrageously offensive, gross, twisted, or distasteful. For the unversed, Dark Humor (Black comedy) is a style of comedy that makes fun of subjects that are normally considered serious or painful to discussBut, if you still have a knack for dark jokes, here are some of the best dark humor jokes (with no limits) to make you laugh really hard. We hope you will enjoy these dark jokes as much as we did. Enjoy.
Best Dark Humor Jokes (No Limits)
1. My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
2. My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
3. My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.
4. “I work with animals,” the guy says to his date. “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?” “I’m a butcher,” he says.
5. “What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
6. Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
7. A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “F**k off, you won’t bring it back.”
8. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
9. A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
10. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
11. I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
12. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
13. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it.
14. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
15. I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
16. Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
17. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
18. A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
19. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
20. It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
21. My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
22. I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
23. I have a joke about trickle-down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.
24. Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
25. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
26. When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was, to be Frank in Stein.
27. Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.
Funny Dark Jokes
28. There’s a lot of talk about starting families but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
29. Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
30. My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
31. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.
32. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
33. A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”
34. What is the one good thing about child molesters? They drive slowly in the school zones.
35. The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
36. You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
37. What part of a vegetable can’t you eat? The wheelchair
38. Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
39. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
40. Why can’t you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn’t born yesterday!
41. What did the Titanic say as it sank? I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
42. How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
Best Dark Humor Jokes (No Limits)
43. Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst.
44. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
45. They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.
46. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
47. I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
48. The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
49. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
50. To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
51. What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph? Its butt.
52. It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words ‘antidote’ and ‘anecdote,’ one of my good friends would still be alive.
53. I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
54. “Just say NO to drugs!” Well, If I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
55. Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!
56. I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
57. I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
58. Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.
59. If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling. Sheesh!
60. What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat cancer.
Some More Dark Humor Jokes
61. My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
62. My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die. “Usually an overdose, son,” I told him.
63. “My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. “She obviously has COVID,” my wife said. “Why?” I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, “Because she has no taste.”
64. My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
65. I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he has ever read.
66. I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
67. My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.
68. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
69. My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
70. What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
71. Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!
72. I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that!
73. A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
74. When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
75. “I have good and bad news,” the doctor said to his patient. “Give me the good news first,” the patient said. “Your test results are back,” the doctor said, “and you have only two days to live.” “That’s the good news?” the patient exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?” “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”