Before you indulge yourself in these jokes, we want to make a disclaimer: Black humor or dark humor is a style of comedy that makes light of subject matter that is generally considered taboo, particularly subjects that are normally considered serious or painful to discuss.
Before you go ahead, you must know that some of these jokes are outrageously offensive, gross, twisted, or distasteful. But, if you still have a knack for dark humor, here are some of the best 40 dark humor jokes ever. Enjoy.
“My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.”
“I work with animals,” the guy says to his date. “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?” “I’m a butcher,” he says.
“A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “F**k off, you won’t bring it back.”
“My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.”
“Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it.”
“Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.”
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
There’s a lot of talk about starting families but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
Dark humour is like food, not everyone gets it.
What is the one good thing about child molesters? They drive slowly in the school zones.
What part of a vegetable can’t you eat? The wheelchair
“Why can’t you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn’t born yesterday!”
Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph? Its butt.
It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words ‘antidote’ and ‘anecdote,’ one of my good friends would still be alive.
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
“Just say NO to drugs!” Well, If I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling. Sheesh!
What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat cancer.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die. “Usually an overdose, son,” I told him.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he has ever read.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!
I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that!
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
“I have good and bad news,” the doctor said to his patient. “Give me the good news first,” the patient said. “Your test results are back,” the doctor said, “and you have only two days to live.” “That’s the good news?” the patient exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?” “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
Hope you enjoyed these dark humor jokes as much as we did!