“Were you again talking to your mother? You are married now. They can’t be your priority anymore. You shouldn’t discuss everything that bothers you with her. Rather you should talk to your husband.”, my in-laws will tell me whenever they found out about me having a conversation with my mother.
But, the very same hypocritical in-laws would tell my husband to always remember that he is a part of this family. And, he can’t take his parents for granted. His parents have given birth to him and raised him to be who he is today. He should always keep them his priority. He is always reminded of how he needs to spend time with them even if that means he has to ignore his wife.
If your father is unwell, then what would you do? You are not a doctor. You can’t make him well. They have already gone to the doctor. He will get better. Don’t worry, your parents are not kids. They can manage. And, you can’t run every time there is an issue at your parent’s place. This is your home now. You should be here, this home is your responsibility now.
But the very same people, expect their son to cancel any plan that he has with his wife if they had even a minor emotional issue. So, he is expected to be with his parents at every moment when they feel low, while in my case, even health emergencies are not important.
But, this wasn’t the story of a day or so. It was something that happened to me every day.
While I was told I shouldn’t even miss my parents because I am not part of their family anymore, my husband was always reminded of how he can’t treat anyone more important than his parents.
But, what was even more heartbreaking was the fact that these hypocrites wanted me to forget my parents and treat them as their family. But, sadly, they would never leave a chance to let me know that I was just an outsider.
While these hypocritical people kept telling me how sanskaari bahus are expected to respect their in-laws, but when it was about them to respect me – they left no chance to insult or disrespected me. They treated me like a being with no self-respect, no needs or desire.
While I couldn’t ignore my in-laws’ hypocrisy because it was so prevalent, my husband chose to remain indifferent. He refused to even acknowledge how his parents’ unfair treatment of me.
Though he tried his level best to cheer me up he never had the guts to stand up to his family.
But, after reading stories of many inspiring women at IFORHER, I realized that I couldn’t give power to others to control me. If they are not ready to accept me or love me, then it’s fine. They can take as much time as they want. But, till the time, they don’t realize that love and respect are a two-way street, they can’t expect me to love or respect them.
And, never, ever they can’t expect to forget my parents. Because I might be a wife now, but I will always be a daughter.
Like many other women, I also realized that I can’t expect anyone else to stand for me, but myself. If I won’t speak up, who else will? And, I can’t make my husband a priority if he is not making me his own. I need to prioritize myself, my dreams, and my life.
Hence, now I am using my energies to focus on my goal rather than the negativity that these hypocritical people tend to put me through. I am happy that I am building my life and career with every passing moment.
Though I hope one day, my husband and his family would realize how they were being such hypocrites and how their unfair treatment was hurtful. But, I am not waiting for them to live my life.
P.S. Thanks IFORHER platform for sharing such inspiring stories that gave strength and courage to many women like me. Thanks for making us realize that we are not alone. When other women can strive and sail through, we can too!